Careful where you step

Chapter 2: Trauma's a bitch

"Hey (Y/N). What was that all about?"

Shit. Shit. Shit.

"Hey JJ!" you said with the fakest smile plastered on your face.

"You good?" she asked, clearly knowing something was wrong.

"Oh.... erm... me? Yeah, I'm good. I'm great. Why?" 'God, (Y/N)' you thought, 'you truly are to worst liar'

"Are you sure? I saw you and Em just a second ago. You both seemed pretty upset"

"Oh.... that, right. Ummm... we were role playing to see how the crowd would react to a large fight, erm.... like the unsub and victim had before she went missing."

JJ looked into your eyes, "If you wanna talk, I'm here for you." she responded as she walked off to board the jet. Damn she was a good profiler, or you were just a bad liar, either way she knew something was up.

You grabbed your iced coffee from the cart, and you go bag from your car and hopped on the plane. It was a three hour flight to Denver and you and Emily didn't do so much as look at one another. You knew that the fight was your fault and she was just worried about you but you wished she wouldn't be. She was too concerned and that made you mad because you wanted to be independent and not rely on anyone else, emotionally or otherwise. Especially after you were kidnapped.

Three months ago you were walking to your car after hanging out with Emily and some friends. She wasn't living with you at the time so you took separate cars. She offered to walk you to your car but you insisted that you were fine. As you were about to get in you heard a gun click behind your head. Your heart sank, knowing something bad was about to happen. The man forced you into the back of his car and he drove to a location a few hours from Quantico. He bound and tortured you. It wasn't until three days later the team even realized you were missing. You had a long weekend and they only started to worry when you didn't show for work on Monday. By the time they found you, you had been beaten, starved, and abused so bad you could barely remember your own name. You were rushed to the hospital and you had to stay there for almost a month due to the damage he did to your internal organs. When they caught the guy and interviewed him they found that she was simply a sadist who accidentally kidnapped an FBI agent. Knowing that you were a random victim made it worse because there was no rhime or reason. It could have been anybody but she chose you. The bastard chose you.

You never got a chance to process the trauma you experienced. You were afraid of having to relive it and you didn't want to burden anyone else so you kept your pain locked away.

"(Y/N) and Emily Im gonna have to meet with the coroner. Derek and Reid you go talk to the parents.  Rossi, JJ, and I will go to the station and talk to Detective Reef." Hotch said as he interrupted your thoughts.

You looked over at Emily and she looked back at you. You mouthed "Sorry" and she gave you a weak smile. She knew you were going though a lot and so she was being extra lenient with you. You felt bad but you had such a hard time controlling your emotions. A few weeks ago you had a totally meltdown and started yelling at Hotch and he threatened to suspend you if you didn't clean up your act. You realize now that that doesn't just apply to work, that you need to work on all of your relationships. Starting with, the love of your life, Emily.

When you landed you and Emily split off and hopped in a black SUV. She drove and as soon as you closed the doors you look over, "Em... I'm so so sorry. I should have never lashed out at you like that. You were trying to help and I'm being selfish and rude. I love you more than anything and I hope you know that. You are the love of my life and I don't know what I would do without you."

"Good thing you will never have to find out." she says as she smile back to you.

Emily never accepted apologies or apologized directly. She would always give you a clever answer that would indirectly, make you feel like everything was going to be okay.

She leans over the center console and tips your head up with her pointer and middle finger. She places her lips directly on yours and you lightly kiss her back. She was great at making you feel like you were in a romcom, where the girl finally gets the love of her life and she lives happily ever after. You hoped you made her feel the same way.

She pulls away from your guys kiss just enough to whisper, "I love you so much agent (Y/L/N)."

You can feel her lips and her breath lightly touching you as she says those amazing seven words. She kisses you again and pulls away to drive off to the coroners.

You have butterflies the whole way there and all the way through the door until you start talking about the case. Then your stomach feels like you swallowed a thousand pound brick. There was a woman, dead, lying in the table with both of her legs removed. She was about the same height, age, build, and she had similar colorings as you. Seeing women on the table, and in pictures, always bothered you but it was a hundred times worse when she looked very similar to you. Emily seemed to notice as well when she looked over at you checking to see if you were all right. You looked up and gave her a nod signaling you could handle it, even though you were sure if you could or not.

When you and Emily were finished with the coroner you headed back to the station yo talk Hotch, JJ, and Rossi. When you arrived you realized Morgan and Reid were back as well.

"Wow that was quick with the parents." you said.

"Well we showed up but they didn't want to talk to us. It actually makes sense because around seventy three percent of the populations primary coping mechanism is denial and the other twenty seven percent often resort to violence and or some form of abuse either directed at themselves or another loved one. In rare cases serial killers are born from the loss of a loved one. Although that's statistically less likely than being killed by a strike of lightning."

"How do you know all of this?" you respond in utter confusion.

"I read the book "how to help a loved one greive" after my dad left when I was ten."

"And you still remember all the statistics?" Morgan pipes in.

"Wouldn't you?" spencer asks in the most innocent voice you've ever heard.

"No" the whole team responds in unison.

"All right, all right. Leave Reid alone." Hotch says as he try's to hold in a smile. "What did you find out at the coroners office (Y/L/N)?"

You go over all the details, the team taking notes as you do. When you finished the lead detective comes in to talk to you about the families affected and the girls personal lives.

It's nearing eight pm and Hotch tell you all to sleep up because we all need to be at the station by seven the next morning. You all go to the hotel and go to your separate rooms.

You change into your PJs, brush your teeth, and crawl into bed. You grab your phone a write a text to Emily.

You: I miss your body.

Emily: Ew that sounds so creepy

You: You know what I mean

Emily: I'm outside your door, let me in before someone sees me

You walk over to the door and there she is. Standing in all her elegance. She doesn't need to be wearing a nice outfit, or have her hair or makeup done for you to think that she is the most beautiful woman in the world. You both get back in bed and she spoons you until you fall asleep in her arms. You don't have a single bad dream that night and you would like to believe it's because Emily was protecting you from them.