the voice - tommyinnit angst

one

TW
Panic attack (kind of)
Swearing
Depressed thoughts/Bad thoughts

Tommy's POV

I flopped into my gaming chair, staring blankly at the PC screen, hand resting on my phone. I tried to block out the shouts from downstairs, zoning out as I was captured by the light of my monitor, artificial white light reflecting off my eyes. It was so calm... So peaceful... The noise around me faded to a dull thrum as i fell into a daze. A slam from the front door woke me from my trance, followed by a second slightly quieter thump. I sighed in relief. The door, shut twice. My parents had both left the house. A small ding came from under my palm, and the phone screen lit up.
Notification from WilbySoot
My eyes slid up the screen to check the time. 7:30 already.
Shit. I have to stream tonight.
I opened up the notification and saw a message from Wil inviting me to play among us with them, followed by a game code. I flicked to discord and joined the call, at the same time as I opened up the game and typed in the code. Checking I was deafened, I started the stream and greeted the viewers, who mostly seemed enthusiastic about having a game of among us, although there was some complaint. I tried to ignore it and focused on joining the game and unmuting myself to talk to the group.
"HI EVERYONE" I shouted, making sure I kept up my excited character.
"Oh, hi tommy," says Tubbo. The rest of the group continues with the conversation, ignoring my arrival.

See, they don't want you there anymore than your parents do. You're wasting their time.

I frown. The voice is back.

But Tubbo noticed...

He didn't care though. Don't you think he'd be more enthusiastic if he cared?

But..

You should do them a favour and leave the game

Suddenly a sub comes through, and I blink and try to concentrate.

Lilriverbee has subbed
Tommy? U kinda zoned out.

"Sorry chat, just thinking!" I laugh awkwardly and realise that the group has gone quiet.

"Tommy, are you OK? You've been zoning out a lot recently," Wilbur says, sounding concerned.

They're not really worried. They just want to seem like good friends. You're making them uncomfortable.

I pull my best TommyInnit grin and shout "I'm fine! Just thinking about WOMEN, yknow?"

Is earns a laugh from some of the group, and I smile, relieved, glad that they haven't noticed anything different. Then I see Wilbur frown and shake his head slightly, as if confused. I hope he hasn't realised that something's up.

Of course he hasn't. He's not even thinking about you. He doesn't care, remember?

The first round starts, and the crewmate icon appears on the screen. I groan inwardly and start to hum to myself as I do the tasks. Soon enough, the death animation pops up on the screen and I watch the character's body flip to the ground. It is reported almost immediately, and I sit back, unbothered. I'm pretty sure they saw the impostor vent, so I don't mind.
Before they can get into a conversation, Wil shouts over everyone.

"Guys, guys. Before we discuss this, I say we skip vote, because Tommy is dead and we don't have to listen to his annoying voice anymore!"
Everyone laughs and agrees without hesitation, skipping the vote and cheering.

I fold in on myself like I'm hiding away. The voice was right. Of course it was right. They never wanted me here...

Wilbur's POV

Almost immediately as we get into the first round, Tommy's body is reported. Before anyone can talk to each other, I tell them to skip vote, because we don't have to listen to Tommy anymore. The rest of the lobby all agree, and I laugh slightly. I glance at the chat and see they're spamming sad faces, and telling me to check Tommy's stream. Frowning slightly, I do as they say. My eyes widen slightly; Tommy is hunched over in his chair, his eyes distant, and his fists clenched. He straightens up quickly, as he realises at his chat are panicking.
"SORRY CHAT, JUST ZONED OUT FOR A SECOND," He shouts, quickly plastering his trademark tommy smile on his face and getting back into the game. I'm almost fooled, until I see his eyes. They look dull in comparison to the usual bright blue, and his body is tense. His chat hasn't seemed to have noticed, and for the moment I shrug it off. I'll ask him about it later, but I have a stream to get on with.

Tommy's POV
I notice chat spamming concern, so i make up a bad excuse and quickly get back in to the game. My chat is immediately consoled, and doesn't seem worried anymore, although I am nervous about Tubbo and Wil. Wilbur seemed confused earlier, and Tubbo can read me pretty easily, seeing as we are best friends. I decide to put in some extra effort to appear normal, and luckily Tubbo doesn't notice anything out of the ordinary. And Wilbur doesn't care anyway...

That's right. He doesn't care. None of them do.

None of them...

You should just end the stream. The viewers would be glad to see you go.

See me go...

The mouse hovers over the x, ready to shut the tab.

That's right, just give it a click and they'll all be happier.

I click it and collapse into the chair, the tension releasing from my shoulders. I look down at my palms, which have started to sting. Four red crescents are indented in my hands. I had been clenching my fists harder than I thought. I stare numbly at them.
Suddenly the door slams downstairs. Fuck. He's back already.
The stench of alcohol slips through the cracks under the door.
He's back he's back he's back he's back.
I can hear his unsteady feet two floors below. My breathing quickens and my hands shake on the arms of the chair.
Please don't come up, please, please

"Tommy?"

My head snaps up in terror.
Shit. The discord.

I try to calm down, try to steady my breathing and put on a smile for them. My knuckles are white from gripping the chair so hard, and my palms are sweat. I open my mouth try to speak.

"I uh- I'm feeling really tired and my parents just got home so I have to go now, sorry haha," I stumble over my words.
Nobody looks convinced.
Fuck.
I attempt to shout and give them my best tommyinnit goodbye.
"I HOPE YOU ALL HAVE A GOOD REST OF STREAM AND DREAM ABOUT WOMEN!"
They look relieved, and Tubbo laughs and shouts "you too tommy!"
"except Wilbur," I add "I hope he has a terrible stream."
Fundy rolls his eyes, and I leave the call before they see how pale I've gone. I begin to calm down, relieved that it worked out, and my breathing slows back down to its normal pace. I wipe my damp hands on my trousers and sink down in to the chair. I relax for a second, and then I hear it.
The dreaded sound.
Footsteps on the stairs.

1186 words

A/N thank you for reading
And if any of you are struggling with this sort of thing, please reach out to someone! You are all amazing people, just keep pushing through it :)