you should know what you're falling for

twenty three

"You're getting married?" Kendall repeats, completely dumbfounded.

Christi's wide grin slips away as she realizes that she is not going to get the reaction she was hoping for. Poor woman, I almost feel bad for her.

Almost.

Except here's the catch; These people live in their own plastic bubble of rainbows and sunshine. They find their true match, and burn all their money away on a huge wedding ceremony. They dilute themselves with the idea that everybody lives like this; that everyone finds their happy ending. But that's not the way it is.

My mother was in love and she found that person with whom she wanted to spend the rest of her life. She was certain she would always feel that way. But low and behold, things changed. Dad left us high and dry, and that's why my life sucks the way it does today. The poor woman had no idea what she was fallin' for. If only she had known. 

"Congratulations." I spit out, them turn on my heel. I stomp out of the dining room, out of view, out of this place. I'm considering the possibility of 'What if I just keep stomping on?,' but I feel a small hand grab my own. 

"Chlo, wait!" Alex calls, dragging down on my wrist. "Wait! I don't understand."

I watch his little lip quiver up and down, tears boiling at his waterline. Mom never told him why we were poor; where dad was; why she was leaving. 

"We didn't have enough money because Dad abandoned us! Mom died because she couldn't afford to pay health bills, okay? Are you happy now you know?"

I can't help but break down a bit. I've opened my heart up too far. I've learned to love again. And now I'm back in the same state, choking on my tears over what's lost.

I could stitch my heart back up, rebuild the walls. Everything would be a solemn, solitary life again. I wouldn't be volatile or open to pain.

But then again, then I'd never know what I'd Fallin' For.