My anxiety big and small

Rules

POV-Brook
"I know this might seem hard but these rules are here to make you fell safe"

I smile at him showing the list and pointing to each one as I say them out loud.

1-no leaving the house without me or someone else

2-communications no suffering in silence I need you to use you're words

3-no arguing and swearing

4-you will eat 3 meals a day snacks only if I say so

5-no self harm

6-let me help you

Number 6 isn't really a rule more of a request but I can see he's not happy with these rules he is sitting on the couch with his legs to his chest. I set down the book and a sheet of paper and pen.

"Now to make it fair and to feel safe you are gonna write some rules for me while i get a snack ready

POV-max
I'm such a loser a weak loser when she was talking about the rules I wanted to explode with anger tell her she has no right to control me. Tell her she has no right to say all these rules are for my "safety" then Make me make rules for her. I wanted to Write bad stuff on it telling her off and such.... but I'm weak I just sit there and cry.... I wish I never made that call I would have been alone but now I have a nanny watching me 24/7.... I can't tell what is worse.... what if this is an act.... what if the moment I trust her she dose bad stuff to me.... like touch me or make me do stuff like..... I.. I..... CANT!....

I feel something grab and hold my hand.....when I open my eyes I see brook sitting on her knees looking me in the eyes. Her dark brown colored eyes looked so kind..... but what if.....

"Is everything okay?" She's says soft and slow.....

It took me a second to to say anything as I take in a shaky breath
"I'm-" my weak voice could barely get through the sentence before tears start to fill my vision .

"I'm scared.... there's to much change...... I can't let people take care of me...."  I say through tears and a shaky scared voice. I mentally scold myself at how she must think of me as some idiot child crying like this.

"Why?"

"I... I don't know....."

"Are you sure?"

I look away from her eyes

"Remember rule 2?"

"......."

"We'll do you?"

"C....communication...." I say softy

"......why can't you let me take care of you"

"I don't......I....."

All these emotions I've held back for so long it feels like a dam breaking as my eyes start pouring out tear....

"What if it happens again.... what if I get left alone again!" I say sobbing

"Sweetie" her gentle voice rang with concern

"....I'm a wast of space I should be the one dead they died now I'm left here and I've wasted every second.... I'm here wasting away....I'm just a leach I can't survive on my own..I'm..... I wish I was strong enough to end it.... no one would have known.....it wouldn't of hurt no one ...... I shouldn't have.... have tried to get help....."

I end my little momentnow I'm brooks arms as she hugs me tight. I continue to sob in her arms until I tire myself out.