haven't been found yet ( Jean Kirstein x oc )

1

April 3th 851 , 11pm

If reality threw at her chances of completely turning her life into a brand new parallel universe she would gladly accept them .
The road had started to become even more narrow forcing her to adjust her body , in order to pass through a small dark alley . Ioli didn't expect she would have to grasp these chances today with her hands , running away with them , almost guiding her far away .
Nevertheless , impulsive just wouldn't be the correct word to describe her . All the outcomes that could envelop from her arrogance had already took place in her mind , but she didn't
care , it just resulted to her daring to act up even more . Pushing herself to see if she could handle it .

Could she handle it ?

The air was getting thicker and it got too hard for her to breath . Ignoring it Ioli continued and she run even faster than before , grasping the down parts of the suffocating dress that fell down to her ankles . It is a miracle that she hasn't tripped over it already .
The discomforting thought that her fathers guards where lingering on both of her sides chasing her , was becoming too horrifying at times , while the foreign scenery of the small humble households that were unfolding in front of her now were far from reassuring. "Weren't you the one that was sick of the usual ?" The familiar voice inside her head screamed at her making the girl grimace .

April 3th, 2pm

"Adding another stroke could not possibly do much to fix it" Georgia stated as her eyes narrowed down to the painting . Ioli widened her eyes realizing her friend had kneeled besides her . "Hey !Its not finished yet don't look" defending herself calmly , she slightly covered the board with some her curls .
Resting her head to the tree she was sitting under ,enjoying her friends presence she sighed looking ahead but her mind was too busy to actually admire the view . "So what have you been up to?"
~

Her fathers absence these days couldn't be described as something less than magnificent. Having already gone down to the shore , visited the library more that four times and actually staying there over that she had decided that for the her last day of "freedom " she would quickly go down to the fields today .
They usually didn't allow her to stroll around there because the idea of hanging with the other children wouldn't do well for her sense of responsibility. So she would stay up , trying to cook or forcefully practice on chores but of course she always dropped them at the end and did what she truly wanted .

When her mother caught her lazing around she would start the whole narrative all over again about not impressing mr.Albert "do something that's actually worth living for " and she wouldn't admit  but it seriously made her feel worthless . "How is it possible that my only ability and purpose as a person is so to satisfy another ? ". Ioli had completely forgotten that today is the big day , she was supposed to be meeting him this afternoon , but was too phased to go down and see the horses , and the feeling that today everything would change hadn't really even come to the surface in order for it to sink in .
Grabbing some painting supplies and stuffing them down to the pockets of her extremely long and obnoxious skirt she run down the stairs , in the hopes of not meeting anyone this morning because they would definitely get in the way . Well tough luck .
"HEY!!" Her brother jumped from the top of the stairs down to the hallway in front of her , in a way that was far from smooth . He certainly looked like his back got broken . Ioli eyeballing him intensely tried to make this short and quick . "Father is returning today , I don't have the of the time of the world , MOVE Jason-"
"Why did you spend the whole night up in the library yesterday?" He strikes back in the same intense way , smiling idiotically but she was scowling at him . After hearing the question she looked down defeated though .
"I- I was searching for something" she mumbled annoyed . "Shit was too hard to find after-all"
Jason had stopped playing and he was actually looking at her with real curiosity. "Don't tell me you mean-"
He stopped and she waited for his shallow mind to conclude .
"You were searching about the military forces , weren't you ?" He said quietly with a mocking smirk on his face that made her blood boil .
"Get OUT of my way -"she pushed her brother aside .
"What would your "research " even accomplish ?"
Taking a few steps back from where she was standing she faced him again . "You aren't really the one to talk about accomplishments"
she made her way to the back door .
"Hey at least I don't act like a dumb girl that what only does is keep believing in her stupid fantasies just because she is too immature to settle down!!" He yelled bothered by her statement .
The world 'fantasies' triggered her , even if it was coming from a careless person without aims like him . It really stung a lot .
"You do wanna join the survey corps huh ?" He pressed . "Instead of being one of the women waiting for their dead men to come back you want to take their place?"
"At least I want to do something meaningful in my life unlike you" . She said ignoring her rather graphic remark .
"You seem too certain" he quietly said simply looking at his sister . But Ioli was far from that at the moment .
"They are serving you with a normal , stable wealthy life and you just want to throw that away" he then scoffed " and you don't have to even feel guilt about it" .
"Just leave me alone that's all I'm asking" she mumbled finally opening the door making her way out , finally free to go . He already wasted some of her precious time but her thoughts were elsewhere. Looking down at her boots the words got out of her without even realizing "dying would be better that having to live like that "
Ioli was moving fast , almost numbly down the spreading passages in order to get to the green fields she was so eager to visit earlier . Nevertheless the interest in fooling around down there had suddenly vanished . Her brothers statements were a slap across the face and her stomach felt uneasy to the negative thought that this all might just be a wicked dream , joining the cadet training , and eventually making it to the survey corps..
A wicked dream ... "A little fantasy"

Negative energy had completely taken her away right now and there was no going back . If she really was that of a bitter person she could easily blame it all to her brother . Jason from a young age didn't spark any signs of potential success in life . It didn't take a long time until her parents got used to his behavior and expected nothing than the absolute less from him , since he had nothing to offer to the family . Jason could have anything he wanted in life to go perfectly if he tried , he could attend school and achieve educationally or accept the help and wealth from Father , so that he could carry it away and create more , opening a new world of work in the palace .She gritted her teeth on his arrogance and stupidity . Everything was handed to him and he chose to ignore every single hand of guidance just to sit with his friends at bars and make jokes all day . That's the meaning of life for some people but she was the one to pay for his "decisions" or , to say it more appropriately, "quits" .
Quits . He quits everything .
All the pressure now is being put on her . Everything is being expected by Ioli .  She has to fulfill the gap of needs Jason  decided to dig carelessly , and in the end , she could easily see her self burying herself there along with all those expectations .
Why is life so relentlessly unfair to her ? She thought most of the times . It's like god decided already that my life is planned to be scheduled by her parents . She frowned furious now . Of course it was a ridiculous idea since he is incapable to even stand to his feet properly , but she now realised that her brother even has the chance to freely attend the cadet training and join any force he wants . It is a given fact he wouldn't make it - and that made her lips turn upwards - but still , the opportunity to go was there , and nothing was stopping him .
But she on the other hand ....
forced to live a lifestyle based on his mistakes .
Passing by the long lively river her frown had beginning to hurt her head small creases forming to her forehead . "Ioli !!! Stop grumping in such way you are a young lady, control your expressions !" She automatically heard her mother scream in her ear .
She walked even faster to ignore her mom , her brothers decisions,  and what would happen later this evening that she chose to ignore two weeks long . "Ioli ! Mr.Albert wouldn't like our young and beautiful girl all wrinkly wouldn't he ?!"
" TO HELL WITH MR.ALBERT" she screamed as she shoved violently a brunch of a bush out of her way . She was out of breath now , but the paining thoughts were stuck stubbornly in her head . The ache from her stomach had moved to her chest and her eyes . Ioli tearing up sat down for a moment , In the cold moist grass of the forest . She grabbed the bottom of her knees and held herself . Why did she always have to comfort her own being . Why couldn't someone genuinely hold her in their arms , when she felt the need to ? . Her pain reached her voice , her arrogance and fooling around to forget the sad reality that was soon awaiting just destroyed the facade . Groaning from the cold she lifted her eyes up .
"I can't do this" ioli quietly whimpered . And the frightening part is that ,sadly , she truly meant those words .