Ballad of a Broken Boy

Why he left

"Hey, beautiful! Did you have a good day?" my momma C greeted me brightly from the kitchen. I smiled, dropping all my stuff in a pile by the front door and ran into her open arms. Momma C works for international aid, so she's always traveling for work.

"Holy crap, mom!!! What are you doing home? I thought you weren't supposed to be here for another three weeks?!" I exclaimed, pulling away from her, smiling. "I finished in Thailand early so I came back. Plus I missed my baby girl." She told me. I smiled, giving her one more quick hug before grabbing my bag and making my way up to my room." I sighed, dropping my bag on the floor by the door and kicked off my shoes. I flopped down onto the bed, closing my eyes. I was so tired, all I wanted to do was curl up in bed and sleep for weeks. Unfortunately, I had a shit ton of homework.

I checked my timetable for the rest of the week and grinned. I had been signed up for the AP anatomy class. Everyone always said that it was really hard, and only the very best students got in. I smiled to myself.

"What's got you so happy?" Momma C asked, walking into the room with a sandwich and a coffee. I winced. The coffee smelled really, really strong. I jumped up and took it out of her hand.

"Jesus mom, what did you do to that coffee?" I asked her, appalled. She shrugged.

"I thought it smelled strange, but I figured it was okay to drink..."

"Yeah, if you want to be awake for the next year. How much coffee did you put in this?" I asked.

"I'm not sure... look, Neens, you know I'm no good at cooking." She cried, exasperated. I laughed. "Momma C, making coffee doesn't count as cooking..." I said, trying to stifle my laughter. She looked at me blankly before sighing and muttering a "Whatever."

"I'll make you a coffee. Just sit down."

"You always were a really good cook. I think that might be the only thing you inherited from..." she stopped herself and looked at me with wide eyes. I sighed, suddenly angry.

"I am nothing like that prick, mom. I never would've left. Don't you dare compare me to him!" I yelled at her. She frowned, looking down.

"You don't know the whole story. You don't know why he left. If you knew... maybe you wouldn't hate him so much." She said quietly.

"Well then why don't you tell me?" I asked her.

"Because... you're not old enough."

"I'm seventeen, momma C! In less than a year I'll be old enough to move out! But until you tell me, I am going to assume he left without good reason and I will not stop hating him." I said, stubbornly. "I- um... I'm gonna go. I'll be downstairs." She said as tears formed in her eyes causing me to feel guilty. "Do your homework." She mumbled before walking out of my room, closing the door behind her.

I threw my head back and groaned. I know I shouldn't have yelled and gotten defensive like that, but every time my dad comes up a switch flips inside me and I just let out all the anger I have towards him. What kind of coward leaves his own kid or doesn't even send child support? Sighing, I sat down on my desk and pulled out my anatomy homework. I had to make a bunch of flash cards which I'm sure would take me hours. Spoiler alert: it did. An hour and a half had passed when I heard the front door open. Momma D must've gotten home from work. Realizing that I wouldn't get anymore homework done tonight, I put it all away before heading downstairs. I was about to entrer the kitchen when I heard my moms whispering.

"We have to tell her. We owe her that much." I heard momma C say. "She's too young, Carol. She'd be devastated if she knew why he left." Momma D responded. I looked down, sadly. Shouldn't I be the one to make that decision? I let out a deep breath before walking into the kitchen. "Moms, can I talk to you?" I asked them. I was tired of tiptoeing around this conversation... I wanted to- no, needed to know. They both looked at each other and then back to me, nodding. "Sure, honey. Sit down." Momma D said, as we all sat down at the table. It was silent for a moment before I finally spoke.

"I know you guys think I'm too young to know about dad, and I know deep down that you're just trying to protect me which I'm grateful for... but I'm seventeen. I feel like it should be my choice whether or not I want to hear about him or know his reasons for leaving." I said, gently but sternly. My moms sighed, but I continued before they interrupted. "It's my choice. I need to know. I need to understand." Momma D thought for a minutes then looked at momma C, who nodded.

"He had cancer." Momma D said, softly. "What?" I whispered, barely loud enough for her to hear.

"He left because he was dying- he didn't want you to see him go through that and watch him die. It never had anything to do with me accepting that I was gay and meeting your mom. Deep down, he knew and he accepted that. Yes, that was always part of the reason as to why, but it was never the full story." She began. I didn't say anything, but I nodded for her to continue. "Nini, he knew that you could never grow up a normal girl if you had to look after him." She explained, visibly relaxing, as if a huge weight had been lifted. Which, in all fairness, it probably had.

"Is he... is he dead?" I stammered. She shook her head.

"No, I actually just spoke to him last week. He's in bad shape, though. The doctor said-"

"Doctor? He's in hospital? And what do you mean you spoke to him? Why didn't you ever tell me about this?" I said hoarsely, holding back the tears threatening to take over me.

Momma C nodded. "Yeah, he's in hospital. And yes, we do keep in touch with him. We've never visited him; not since he left."

"I don't understand. He left when I was a baby. What kind of cancer does he have?" I asked. Momma D cleared her throat. "It started out as stage 2 Colon cancer but over the years, it kept spreading, and he just kept degrading. It's in his brain now... it's inoperable." She said, grabbing my hand.

"What did the doctor say?" I asked her, already sure that I knew what she was going to say.

"He said your father doesn't have long. The chemotherapy didn't work, and he's refusing to try anything else. He says he wants to pass away peacefully. He's sick of the chemo." She sighed.

"How long, moms?" I asked them softly.

"Honestly, honey... we don't know. If I had to take a guess though, I'd say a couple weeks- maybe a month if he's lucky." Momma D sighed.

"Oh my God." I whispered, resting my head in my hands.

"We're so so sorry, Nina. We should have told you earlier, but I-"

"Yeah, you're right, you should have!" I yelled. "All these years I've believed my father was a coward who left you for some other woman. And it turns out that he left to protect me! He left because he didn't want me to know he was dying! I've hated him ever since I was old enough to understand that he was gone, and now he only has a couple months left!" I shouted, tears streaming down my face, ruining my carefully applied makeup.

"I know, and you have to believe us, we're so sorry." Momma D whispered, while momma C sat, silently. I was too angry to care about the pained look on their faces.

"Well sorry won't make this better! Sorry won't give him longer to live, longer for me to get to know him!" I shouted. Momma D's eyes widened, and she shook her head.

"No, Nini, you can't go see him. That would drive him insane. He wants to die knowing that you're happy, that you won't be hurt by his death. He wants to leave you happy." She explained.

"I can't let him die without seeing him at least once, Mom! He's my father!"

"I don't care, Nina. I will not watch you fall apart the way I did when he left. I forbid you to see him." She said sternly. I got to my feet shakily, glaring at her with as much venom in my expression as I could muster.

"Guess what, mom? I don't care." I hissed, before turning around and storming out of the house, slamming the door behind me. I wasn't really planning on going to see him right then; I had no idea where he was. My moms had always told me that he lived in Colorado, but I didn't know whether that was a complete lie or whether she was actually in a hospital somewhere in Colorado.

I walked around for a while, eventually ending up in the park. I sat by the fountain and cried my eyes out, ignoring the few people who asked me if I was okay. After a while I felt someone come and sit next to me, rubbing my back comfortingly. Assuming it was Kourtney, I leant into her side and buried my head in her shoulder. A small part of me realized that the body was too muscly to be my best friend, but by then I was too tired and upset to care.
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Poor Nini....

Also, fuck you Nickelodeon.