Ballad of a Broken Boy

Curling up with ice cream and a movie

Tw: mentions of alcohol
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The doctor's said my dad had a week left, tops. I knew it was to be expected, obviously, but hearing them say that just tore my heart in two. He hung on for longer than anyone had expected. Time is a funny thing... we were told by the doctors that he had about a week left before the inevitable happened. That was nearly three weeks ago, yet he's still here. Still fighting. I guess my point is that you never know, they could be wrong this time, too. Apparently, that was just wishful thinking- the last couple of times I visited him I've noticed that he seemed more distant, and sometimes he would look at me like he doesn't know who I am.

That's why I've started visiting him every night, and each time I sit there, holding his hand and talking to him until the nurse comes in and physically makes me leave. I've been in tears a lot, too. It feels like I burst out crying every time something or someone reminds me of him. Everyone seems worried about me, the teachers were acting differently, and students I've never spoken to were constantly asking me if I need help. Ever since the episode in the library, the news travelled fast. Most people didn't know what was wrong with him, but pretty much everyone knew my dad was dying. Is dying. The only good thing that came from this is that no one said anything to me about the rumors Ej motherfucking Caswell spread.

I've practically cried myself to sleep every night since the doctors told my mom and I about my dad. Sometimes I even caught mama D crying too, and I knew that this was just the beginning. Once he actually died, things were going to be so much worse. I had only known him for a couple of months, but I loved him, and to have that taken away from me so soon would tear me apart.

When we got the call from the hospital telling us we might want to get there as soon as possible, we each packed a bag and left. I didn't care about school, and I didn't care about my friends. All I cared about was the apologetic tone of the woman's voice when she told us to go to the hospital. All I cared about was seeing my dad for one last time.

When we got there I had to wait outside for a moment to make sure I wouldn't cry when I got inside. I didn't want to worry him, make him sad and angry during the little time he had left. The nurse gave us a quick briefing, telling us not to be too shocked by his appearance. Apparently his condition deteriorated severely and they were doing everything they could, but nothing was enough. I braced myself before I walked through the door, and when I saw him looking at me I smiled like nothing was wrong, which was surprisingly easy. Probably because I knew that if I showed my sadness and pain, it would hurt him more.

"My Nina." He croaked, voice faint and weak.

"Hi daddy. How are you feeling?" I asked him, while trying to keep my tears at bay.

"I've been better." He mused.

"I'm sure you'll feel better soon." I said, trying to smile at him comfortingly. He just nodded.

"I'm sure. So, how has school been?" He asked me. I didn't remind him that he had asked me that when I visited the day before, and that it was Saturday today. I just told him that school was fine, that I was doing really well. And as I was talking, he was smiling. And then his eyes drifted closed, and I had to do my best to keep talking like nothing was wrong, because I didn't want to upset him. I could tell that he was in pain, so I let him fall asleep. It was only that I was a hundred percent sure he was sleeping that I stopped talking. My eyes began darting around the room. I watched the screen that showed his heart rate. I watched and watched as the beeps became less frequent, until, finally... they stopped altogether.

When I heard the elongated beep that I had come to know so well from movies and Tv shows, I knew that was it. My father was gone. And I finally let the tears fall. I wasn't just crying about my dad dying; I was crying about not having him around for all those years; I was crying about falling in love and having my heart broken; I was crying about people thinking the worst of me; I was crying because I had maybe lost my best friend; and I was crying about how my life had gone from just a little messed up to very messed up in the span of two months.