If I Could Go Back In Time (BoyxBoy)

One

December 31st, 2019

Azriel. It means "my help is God". Sometimes, I questioned where God was when I needed him most. He seemed so distant, as if he never existed in the first place. Azriel was there though, and he trusted God. He trusted in God so much that if someone were going to murder him, he would pray and ask God to enter their heart so that they may learn that what they were doing was wrong. He would pray for their forgiveness. He was what a true Christian should be.

It's been a while since I've written about Azriel. Actually, it's been a while since I've written at all. I sometimes wonder where he is in his life right now. I've tried to reach out, I really have. I've tried to mend our friendship, our memories, but he doesn't seem to want to make any more with me. I knew I ruined it all.

Today I am writing the last entry I'm ever going to write. Today is the last day that Azriel will have the chance to fix things on his side. No more voicemails or ignored texts. I'm tired of all of the hurting. Am I angry at him for what happened? Maybe. I can't necessarily tell. We were closer than brothers, and now, I might as well be dead for all he cares.

I know he won't care. Maybe he thought that cutting me out of his life would be better for the both of us. He wouldn't ignore me just because of one thing that happened between us, though. I know him too well, or at least I thought I did.

If I could go back in time, I would apologize before anything could even happen. I would remind him that, despite how much of a mess I seemed, he was the one keeping me going. I would help him feel complete and loved. If I could go back in time, I would change everything.