If I Could Go Back In Time (BoyxBoy)

Two

January 1st, 2015

Today, I started multiple new things. I started to write another song, as well as write in this journal for the first time. Another new start is the fact that I met a very nice boy at school. His name was Azriel. We were paired together in Chemistry class along with two other girls named Bambi and Aanya for a project having to do with the new year. None of us really had any friends until today. Azriel is antisocial, despite acting quite bubbly, Bambi can barely understand English since Spanish is her first language, and Aanya is expected to be the quiet nerd that knows everything.

Why can't I make friends? Even I don't know that. I used to be outgoing, but suddenly, everything changed when you died a year ago. I lost all of my friends, not because they were bad people, but because I lost myself. Ever since then, I've kept to myself. I keep my head down, I don't talk to anyone. I've lost my confidence and pride, but Azriel has the confidence and pride of a lion. We only met today, but we became such great friends so suddenly. Of course, it's a wonder how the shy black kid became best friends with the antisocial white kid in just one day. Once again, even I don't know that. We just sort of... talked.

Bambi has green eyes and olive skin. Her black hair is long and thick, and reaches down to her bottom. (I'm formal, I know.) Bambi likes to sing a lot and is even fit to be in the school chorus, if only she knew English a bit better. You were from the Dominican Republic, so I know a little bit of Spanish from you. I was thinking of writing some music for her, where half of the song is in Spanish and the other half is in English. I thought that it might help her learn better. She's very ambitious, I realized that. She's definitely a natural-born leader.

Aanya is Asian, and she enthusiastically expressed how annoyed she was with the stereotype that all Asians have to be shy and good at school. Honestly, she could be a lawyer with how stubborn and determined she is. She's also somewhat short tempered, but in a good way. I think Aanya and I would make great friends, since I'll always be there to calm her down in case she's about to beat anyone up. She has dark brown eyes and black hair, though hers is thin and straight compared to Bambi's. She seems innocent and harmless by how short she is, but she's really a ball of flames on the inside. Her favorite thing to do is dance, and when she showed me videos of the millions of different types of dancing she does, I was blown away.

And then, there's Azriel. He has dark, red wavy hair and many black freckles. His skin is pretty pale as well, and his eyes, oh goodness. They're this deep, beautiful indigo color, almost violet. He's a lot shorter than I am; only 5"7', while I am 6"3'. To be fair, I suppose I'm considered tall. Azriel is very creative. His art skills are out of this world. He's also very smart and loves to learn. He's probably the wittiest person I know. His artwork is so deep and is more than just sketches. Every piece of art has a meaning.

I've changed a lot since you were here. I'm a different person. I started high school without you, and that was the hardest thing in the world. At least, I think so. I once told you that my life goal is to help people as much as I can. Well, that hasn't changed. I have my eyes set on Azriel. I think he's the type to listen to others while others never listen to him. I want to change that, mom.

~~~

January 1st, 2020- I thought? Or is it 2015???

I'm freaking out. I woke up and the only thing in my pocket was this small journal I used to write in all the time. I thought I did it. I thought I'm not supposed to be alive anymore. All of my entries are still in here. It seems that this journal is the only thing that didn't change as it traveled back in time.

I'm supposed to be twenty years old right now, not fifteen. I'm back in my sophomore year of high school. Today, January 1st, 2015, is the day that I'm supposed to meet Azriel. We got paired with Bambi and Aanya. Today is the day that we start our 'Round The World friendship group of just us four. Today is the day that Azriel and I go to lunch together and talk all day, since we have each other in so many classes. Today is the day that all four of us take the Pottermore quiz during gym and find out that we're all in a different house.

I don't want to be here. Was this you, mom? Did you do this? Did you and God have some mutual agreement to put me through torture? I know what I said. "If I could go back in time, I would change everything- blah blah blah." I didn't mean that I would want to live five years of my life all over again. If anything, I want the opposite. I don't want to be alive, and the last person I want to see is Azriel. Though, to be honest, I want to apologize to him. He wouldn't understand anything because nothing has happened yet, though. Thanks.

I loved him, mom. I loved him so, so much, but he cut me out of his life for a reason. I'm not a good person. No matter how much I want to help people, it doesn't change that. I don't want to be here. I want to be with you, wherever you are.