'til death do us part//l.h.

the tampon from hell

•24 hours earlier•

my roommates were literally the worst people on earth. those bitches made me go get cap'n crunch at midnight without even proper clothing. i was innocently catching up on Friends for the 26th time when i was commanded to go the grocery store. i obviously declined, monica and chandler were just about to get married, after all. plus, i didn't enjoy going out in public. unless Beyoncé was knocking at our door, i would not be leaving anytime soon.

that was when they physically pushed me out the door with just puma calf- high socks, mind you. okay, i was wearing clothes, but my large the 1975 tshirt made my pajama shorts disappear. i got lucky though, because me having no clothes on was a usual occurrence.

what? being in the nude was freeing, don't judge.

anyway, the door opened seconds later to throw my wallet and phone out then immediately closed after. i had no idea what i had done to deserve this. the only thing i could think of was when i locked sasha outside the door whilst she was in only a towel.

okay, that was definitely it. however, if sasha hadn't walked outside in just a towel, such things would not have happened. plus, she was only out there for a little --these bitches were going to leave me out here all night.

after pounding on the door for a bit, i gave up my fit and grabbed my wallet and phone. i sighed walking out the door of our building and kicked at the ground with my feet. except i was wearing socks so that hurt like a mofo.

basically, life was sucking ass right now.

i casually walked into the store minus shoes and looking pantless. strolling down the cereal aisle, i sang my personal rendition of night changes because i was feeling 1D as fuck. a few heads turned to look at me and i wasn't sure if it was because i had no shoes, looked pantless, or because i was horrible at singing.

my tone-deafness was quite tragic really. i loved to sing, but i sounded more like a walrus than that beautiful angel of a man, zayn malik. damn him.

anyway, i had reached the cap'n crunch boxes and there was only one left. who knew it was so popular? i was about to reach out and grab it when a hand had already taken it.

oh hell no.

"um excuse me sir, that was my cap'n crunch," i said sweetly and tapped on the person'a shoulder, a fucking broad shoulder at that.

the guy whipped around and almost hit me in the face with the cereal box. i backed away quickly and shielded my face from his swing. my looks were basically the only thing going for me if i was being honest. i couldn't sing to save my life, i had to have some sort of good quality.

and i don't think being hella good at movie trivia was worthy.

"please don't hurt me," i whimpered, covering my face. i was ready to assume the fetal position because, fuck, this guy was broad. plus, i don't know if there are rules in Australia about hitting people for cap'n crunch.

"oh my god, i'm so sorry. are you okay?" the guy was coming at me again, but i didn't think he was going to fûck my shit up this time.

i slowly removed my arms from my face and oh my god did he fuck my shit up.

because he was fucking Luke Hemmings.

"well fuck me in the ass! i know you," i grinned at him and playfully poked him because i enjoyed a good poke. i also realized that i had just told a celebrity to "fuck me in the ass".

i'm really good at first impressions.

Luke blushed and giggled a bit before responding, "i've never gotten that reaction before. i'll have to write that one down."