16/3/2021. 1:12AM.
I normally have problems controlling my anger, I don't punch holes through walls or throw a punch at someone I'm angry at though. Instead, I shake, I raise my voice, and sometimes I hit things or slap or slam things.
Today, I got so angry at my cat, I hit the chair he was in and it caused him to him the counter. I cried for an hour straight; during that hour I tried playing with him and showing him his toys, then I tried giving him treats and petting him. He forgave me within 10 minutes. I don't know how or why, because I will never forgive myself. I promised that I would never yell at him or hurt him again.
He is just a playful innocent being, happy and uncruel, and I hurt him. I hurt him because I am not like him, I am cruel. He is sitting right beside me as I am typing this. Sleeping, side to my knee, and he is peaceful, it's like I didn't just hurt him an hour ago, like I wasn't so cruel an hour ago.
I realize that, maybe it isnt just him who has forgiven me so easily after I had just hurt them. I know a lot of people who deserve better than what they get from me, and if they weren't so understanding, I would not have any friends or family by my side right now. I am the problem sometimes too. It is impossible that I am always the victim, I know that now.
I want to improve in everyway. Little by little. Day by day.
