Sirius stayed back with a knot in his stomach, the anticipation he felt as he saw you and James walk out of the Gryffindor common room more than he could bear. You had led James with the hold of your hand, looking back at Sirius with a small smile before you disappeared from his sight. He knew what you were about to do. He knew and he fought every single nerve in his body to not follow the two of you, rocking on his feet as he awaited your arrival.
His stomach dropped at the sight of James, walking back all alone. He raised his eyes over the people crowded at the entrance, waiting for your bright smile to meet his eyes, but you never arrived. James was all alone.
"Prongs." he called his friend as he walked past them "Where are you going?" he held back from asking about you. It was clear you weren't coming back.
James stopped at the stairs to the dorms, his hand supporting his weight on the wall "It's been a long week." he muttered, voice barely audible over all the fuzz "I'm going to bed." he stated, never meeting his friends face as he kept his face low.
Sirius placed his cup down, walking over his friend who had gotten up the stairs. He called his name without a response, jumping the last steps towards their dorm "James!" he called once he catched up to him, placing his hand on his shoulder to stop him.
James jumped at the feeling of his hand, finally lifting his head. His cheeks were stained with tears, his lower lip trembling as he stared at Sirius "Not now, Pads." he mumbled, taking his hand from his shoulder and letting it fall "Not now."
Sirius froze there, not saying a word as James closed the door behind him. He had learned when to leave James alone, walking down the steps back to the common room with a defeated feeling in his chest. Your name popped in his head as he remembered his words to you.
I don't think he's pretending anymore.
What had he done?
He never made it back to his group of friends, his cup long forgotten in one of the tables of the common room. He walked as fast as he could, ignoring the looks from students as his head turned at every possible spot you could be, his feet with a mind of its own as he ended up at the door of your dorm.
His hand shook as he neared the door, the soft twist of the knob making his stomach wake with a thousand feelings, his palms sweaty as he pushed the door open.
He called your name softly, heart beating fast inside his chest. His eyes adapted quickly to the darkness, moving wildly all over the room to find nothing. He was about to give up, pulling the door with him as he walked out when a flicker of light caught his eye. He frowned, going back inside looking for the source of the little light, the crunching sound of something under his weight making him stop instantly. He took a few steps back, the flicker blinding him once more as he crunched down and suddenly he saw it. Sharp pieces of what looked like a mirror were scattered all over the floor.
He stayed there for a second, the thud sound coming from the bathroom making him go there, his knuckles touching the wood as he placed his ear over the door. "Y/N?" he called again. Not getting a response, he opened the door, the light bright in comparison to the room. And there, sitting on the cold tiled floor, he saw you hugging your knees as you sobbed quietly.
"Oh, darling." he muttered, kneeling to your side in a second.
Your grip around your legs tightened, turning to your side to avoid looking at him. You ignored his calls and questions, his soft voice making the knot on your throat tighter as you wanted nothing more than left yourself cry and scream. You wanted to scream the pain away.
"Just leave, Sirius." you said in between sobs, hiding your face in the piece of clothing in your hands.
But he couldn't bring himself to leave you, his eyes widening in worry as he saw you crumble down again. Your sobs were loud once more as you angrily cleaned the tears from your face. His face fell on the one thing you clung onto, his heart falling down inside his chest as he recognized the fabric as the sweater James had gifted you. He didn't know what to do, this was his fault! You told him not to give you hope and nevertheless you listened to his foolish advice. You went ahead and confessed everything to James. It was his fault you were in so much pain and he didn't know how to make it better. He wasn't sure he could. Sirius wasn't good at this, he had never been in this position before. He couldn't tell you it would be alright, that it would stop hurting at some point. He couldn't give you advice because he knew that was his mistake in the first place. He could only do the one thing he knew worked for him, the thing James himself did for him. Be there for you.
