poems for the hunted

Disaster, Part One

I am an ongoing disaster, trying to find refuge in choking my thoughts on a piece of paper, trying to find a way out, seeking salvation in everything around me, in the pale sky and in trying to get through and in you... I am tired of drowning in sorrow, suffocated by these powerful demons and their screams which pierce our tree house, and their sharp claws which cut the roots of my life, leaving nothing but emptiness inside this rotting soul I've tried to hide. Soon enough, their screams intensify and terrify my weakened soul and everything was a lie and now everything's different and I think I know why, I see it in the raging sky, crashing down on the guilty and the incomplete and the fools and then repeat. 

I am an ongoing disaster, I've fought so many wars and lost so many years, but I'll find a way to be strong and I'll thrive, because I've been ripped apart, thrown amongst lions and left to die but even when I'm bleeding I can still look up at the crying sky shouting „against all odds, I'm still alive!" as the sky mourns by setting fire to himself the same way I did, and then it burns. 

I am an ongoing disaster, I've wasted absolutes on empty people, lost myself so many times in the wrong eyes and stupid lies but then I met you and realised you're the star I lack. I no longer need to rhyme if three years later I can again sleep at night, so here goes:

I am an ongoing disaster, but I promise I'm fighting these ghosts with everything I have, even though I have little left to give, holding your hand, I feel like it's more than enough and we will slay each and every fear, back to back, the way the universe meant it. I was nothing more than shreds of a person when you found me and you were patient enough to somehow sew everything back together, you took care of a damaged, failing soul with no chance of redemption, you gave me back to myself, even when I was too weak to even speak, you spoke for the both of us, and you described the angry rain to me when I was utterly terrified to open my eyes. 

I am an ongoing disaster, but I will be fighting alongside you for eternity, and the only certainty in this mess is that the storm will eventually wipe out everyone who is not the two of us. 

Either that, or it will wipe me out.