poems for the hunted

loving the orphan

when will my soul heal?

I wondered why every inter-personal connection failed

it felt like a punch in the stomach-

why couldn't I express what I felt?

turns out my heart was half rusted 

and the sane half - not strong enough

to carry dead weight.

so nobody believed.

when will I reach fulfilment?

I had hidden myself under a rock

because I thought being hidden

from society would satisfy this 

need of mine to be safe

safe from this mortuary world

and reality suffocated me

whenever I tried to leave my hole.

I stayed there and buried myself

six feet under dead hopes and

broken bones, the broken bones

of my paralysed mind whispering

"give up"

when will the love I need come?

but then I realized broken people can't love

not the way I wanted to love, at least

you can't express emotion if the rock you're hiding under is choking you

love means oxygen and if you're deprived of it

you feel like you are losing control

over your emotions

and then you're dead

this epiphany was the breath of air I desperately needed

to escape

only when this poisoned heart recovers...

it took everything out of my weakened spirit

to eventually get out from under

that rock which dominated my life

to let go of that sinking feeling

inside of me, to give up that need to hide

to get out... to get out...

and feel fresh air again and feel love again and try again.

only then.