I'll Be Here, Always | Han Seojun

Chapter 12 | It's My Burden

Previously:

"You should stop drinking, Yoona." The empty Soju bottle was plucked out of my hands. The hooded individual sat down next to me and let out a long sigh. I glanced over, although I already knew who it was.

Lee Suho.

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"And you can't tell me what to do, Lee Suho," I slurred slightly before continuing, "Anyways, you shouldn't be out this late." I waved my hand, motioning him to go. The boy next to me scoffed and swatted my hand away.

"I could say the same to you." Suho plainly said. I guess he did care in some way; the thought made me slightly smile. I guess his brother-like tendencies didn't disappear after all.

"Touche, Suho. Touche," Chuckling to myself, I opened another bottle of Soju and took a small swig before the bottle got ripped out of my hands. I whined as Suho shot a glare at me.

"Give it back," I pleaded while grabbing his arm.

"No." The boy sternly replied. Suho yanked his arm out of my hands.

"Please, Suho. It's the only thing that can get me through the rest of the today." My voice became quiet towards the end. There was no response. Glancing up at him, I expected to see anger from the boy, but instead, sadness swirled within his eyes. I looked away; it was embarrassing to let him see me like this.

"I said no." Just like that, the stubborn boy was back. Rolling my eyes, I groaned at the stubborn boy. It was silent for a few seconds before the quiet boy softly spoke again.

"Yoona," I glanced at the sullen boy, "I-I miss him too." Suho let out a small sigh before continuing.

"Everywhere I go, I see him. From the comic shop to everyday things in my house...I put some distance between us because I didn't want to hurt you any more than I already did." The boy's voice started to break. I was just confused.

"I couldn't bring myself to t-talk to you, or act like everything was normal because it was m—my fault." The boy stuttered and gripped his hoodie. Looking at him, his face was filled with regret and sorrow as he continued.

"If I had only answered my phone, then Seyeon would still be alive." Tears rolled down his cheeks. Suho's eyes drifted down towards the ground as he unsuccessfully tried to maintain his composure.

"Only if I had answered then he wouldn't be dead!" Suho cried out with anger before he let out loud sobs. The boy hunched over with his head in his hands; his tears dripped down his hands. My eyes watered at seeing Suho's quivering form.

It was pure grief. My mind flashed back to all those painful and lonely nights abroad, where my only company was the numerous, empty Soju bottles. It was hard enough seeing someone go through it, but I knew how it felt first-handedly. No one deserved to be alone like this.

Glancing at the boy, I scooted closer to him and patted his back gently. Suho froze before shooting straight up with confusion.

"It's ok, Suho." The boy stiffened even more as I absentmindedly embraced him in a hug. It took him a brief moment before he rested his head on my shoulder and continued to silently cry.

Sometimes all we need is a hug. Perhaps it's the reassurance that someone is there, or maybe it's the thought that someone cares. Whatever it was, Suho would no longer suffer alone. I would make sure of it.

"It's not your fault, Suho. Despite the lies you've been telling yourself, it's never been your fault. Not now, not ever. So," I paused slightly to lean back ruffle his hair, "it's ok." I gently said whilst patting his back.