You are all I am still being for

2.

Four Months. It have been four Months since you and Severus have broken. Not only did you move out of your shared chambers but also quit your Job at Hogwarts.You were desperate to try something new for a long time now and maybe this would be your new start into a new adventure.

Thinking about it you almost smiled. You had a rough time lately, well, you literally just broke up with your ex boyfriend of more than just a few intense years. For Today was set a Celebration in honour of Hogwarts and the end of the School year. Also you counted it as your Goodbye to the castle and hoped it would made you feel anything more like a independent Person who was about to seek a new adventure. So you wore your prettiest Clothes, pinned up your hair and prep talked yourself ready for the Party. Remus, your best friend told you to meet him there. So you made your way there being excited and happy. There was almost no chance that Severus would be there too since he despised Parties and People in general . Perfect for you. Walking through the Room, grabbing a drink you were looking for your best friend. He was always late since he started dating Tonks which you actually didn't mind. Soaking yourself in the Expectation that Remus would follow you any minute you looked around and greeted some guests. Until your eyes met her. She was like jewellery hanging on his arm decorating him. Severus was there with someone. Quickly turning to Filius who suddenly just stood next to you, you asked him everything about her.

,,Filius, who's that girl?" As he answered you didn't even noticed how you stopped paying attention to him after he gave you enough information. All you saw were them.

Sky. She was literally named after the beautifulest creations of all and you couldn't hold your thoughts back but compare yourself to her. To her beauty as she stood there in the dim candlelight. To her laughter as she laughed slightly at one of someones jokes. To her smile as she appreciated nice words from one of the other guests. To her whole being as she stood this close to the Man you still loved. She was perfect and like a avalanche self doubt, sorrow and even self pity swept you off the ground. At first you just stared over to her again and again, then you began to walk from the middle of the room to the edge only to crook your Posture and hoped to become invisible. She was so slim, so beautiful, so smart and interesting while you felt like a useless speck of dust. Even if you wouldn't compare yourself to her you wouldn't be able to not notice the way he looked at her. How Severus laid his Hand on her upper back. How he smiled and drank from his Glas. How he actually made people smile. Your stomach turned and you intended to leave the room. Enough is enough. Your feet carried you outwards the Room through the corridors to your Chambers. As if it wasn't enough that you had to see her you also had to see him in a way that you weren't able to make him - happy. Pressing your lips to a thin line you tried to swallow the sobs that pressured to be let out. The Tears were already flooding but you told yourself you would hold back as long as you can. The Halls seemed endless long and you tried to not think of every memory you had shared with him that drained you to a total breakdown.

It was too much for your dear heart to handle. Seeing him not noticing you was a lot but seeing him not noticing you because he was happy with someone else was summoning all your worst nightmares. Also it weren't just your feelings. It was the physical Pain it caused you. The way your chest burned and heart was in pure pain. How your fingertips turned numb, your earlobes felt warm, your knees almost gave in and your face became puffy and red. It was the pain of it all. And by that it was clear. The both of you were officially broken up.

Hearing a knock you got out off bed. You pulled your Jacket over your arms and tiptoed to the door. Merlin, it was way to late for visitors. You have been falling asleep while crying earlier and would've wished it could've stayed this way. Opening the Door it was Remus standing in the middle of the frame waiting for you.

,,How are you?" Shrugging your shoulders you stepped aside. As if your puffy face, the way you left the Party early and probably Filius confused reaction weren't enough to tell.

,,How am I supposed to feel after that?" Smiling emphatically with pity he accepted the silent invite and sat down at your sofa. Following him you started to babble. „Do you know her? Did you knew about this?" The words you actually didn't expected a answer but they left your mouth so quickly.

Sighing he nodded almost invisible. ,,I've met her at the Ministry before but I didn't knew about their relationship or whatever it may be. Oddly he hasn't told me when I picked up my Potions." A small ironic laughter escaped you. Severus would probably never get along with Remus.

,,Of course not. I'm sorry, it's just.. I'm still.."

,,Hurt?" He took the teapot from the desk and filled two cuppas for the both of you. Shrugging your shoulders which felt like you had to carry a enormous weight you didn't answer any further and tried to sort your thoughts.

,,There are only three weeks left of school and i have talked to Sirius-''He passed you your teacup. ,,And he'd glad to welcome you. Until you found a place of your own." Your eyes were locked with the cup in your Hands. You tried to forget this part. All your belongings were still at Severus House at Spinners End. You couldn't stay there any longer and had to get them. You had to face the bare truth one last time before your past would be able to vanish behind all the barriers that you were trying to build.

,,Y/N?" Looking up you just nodded. ,,Thank you, Remus. It's tough finding something- those are tough times." Again he smiled. As always was Remus proving you that he'd always be there to help you out.

,,Do you think I can get my stuff this weekend and get it to the Grimmaulds Place? I don't want to step on Severus toes and rely on him any longer than needed."

,,Sirius told me that you're welcome any time." Swallowing a lump from your throat you looked at him.

,,What would I do without you?" Refilling his cup again he laughed.

,,No worries, dear. That's what friends are for. Can I help you with something else?"

,,No." You sighed and tried to smile gratefully. ,,Can you just talk to me about something else?"
And after that he told you about anything that had happened at the Party besides Severus. About how Filch danced with Mrs. Norris, Hagrid and Filius sang together and Horace Slughorn himself broke his own Butterbeer Record.

The Weekend crept around rather quickly and as you were walking out of the cabin it was like a Suction. You took in everything at once. The smell of Severus that laid in the Air. The small Details hidden in his Bookshelves, the flair of the house itself. Everything.

This didn't feel like leaving Severus, you thought, it feels like losing your Home. At first you weren't daring to walk around so you just hurried upstairs. Grabbing your Bag you charmed it so you'd be able to make everything fit in there. You grabbed your clothes, your notebooks, a few of your books, personal belongings and last but not least you stopped at your Night shelf. Pulling it open you looked at the Necklace that Severus had gotten you as Teenagers. At the Letters you kept from him. The Newspaper Article of him and his favourite Book that he wanted to know safe in your Possession. Those were the last things connecting you to him. For a second you stopped. Looking at the content from above before only taking the Letters you once received from him. Those other things simply weren't meant for you anymore.

Shoving them carefully into your Bag you closed it up and pulled it over your shoulder. This would be the last time that you'd visit this place. For a moment you thought about walking around one last time and soaking all the left memories in but as you heard noises from downstairs you apparated away. Standing in front of the Grimmaulds Place No. 12 you knew that this was your silent goodbye to Severus and the life you had connected to him.

,,Home, sweet Home. Or more like Room, sweet Room." Sirius joked while showing you your new accommodation.

,,I promise that I won't bother you for too long." Shaking his Head he just laughed again.

,,You don't bother me at all. Actually I'm pretty happy that I'm not alone in this house. Kreacher can be a dunderhead but I hope you'll still like it here."

,,It's a beautiful House." A nod from both sides. ,,I'm glad you're here, Y/N."

,,Thank you, Sirius." Appreciating your friends benevolence you sat down on the bed.

By that he left the room and for the first time in your life you were truly alone.