scars with reasons

seeking a friend.

Well first class was a bummer. I had math. Now don't get me wrong I love math like a lot but it depends on the teacher. Like have you had that favorite subject at school and your like piece of cake no problem I'm gonna ace this crap. Then you get to it and the teacher is like making everything you know complicated and then you have doubt about whether or not your correct. Like your in your head like like yep X is equally to 24.1 no doubt about it then the teacher says something else and your like maybe I'm wrong its something else. Then you do the whole problem over to get a totally different answer, to then find out it was the first answer you put. Well if you do you can now picture how first period went. 

Right now I'm in 2nd period and my mind just can't stop thinking about that guy, that hunky guy. His eyes were so captivating. I just couldn't get over them , there like a scary movie no matter how much you try to forget them. You still remember when u try to go to sleep.  I don't know why but for some reason when I saw Dana whoring around with him I felt like a horrible feeling pain maybe but a different kind and I've experience different kinds of pain before but this one was different like my heart broken pain. Sure maybe a little jealousy. But I think a part of me has always been jealous of Dana she has everything I want the body ,the good looks,the guys, and friends, well maybe not friends because she has followers.

The punch I got this morning from my dad still stings. It's just this annoying pain that no matter how much I try to soothe the pain it just won't go away. Emotionally and physically. I think I have came to terms with my life. I can't escape this not yet at least. This is my reality because I don't get a happy fairytale I don't get that guy as my Prince Charming. This is the reality that even if I leave it will always haunt me. I know that I have to one day leave this hell hole. Im gonna get a scholarship and if I don't ,I have a job that I have been saving money from. I want to be a doctor one day I want to be able to save lives  I want to feel that standing all this tortured was for a reason. I need to know that the reason if Im still alive in the future was because I saved lives. 

The bell rung meaning that 2nd period is over. Time for lunch I guess or for me to go to the library. Sense I have no friends. I wanna drown my self in the words of a book. I like it when I get lost in the words and i can picture them in my head when u can feel like your the character brave or pretty or tall or whatever but for once you can escape the cruel world we live in.

I went to my locker and got the extra food I had brought yesterday from the restaurant I work in. my lunch was just half a burger some gummies and apple sauce that the owner gives to me. The owner Jamie I consider somewhat as a mother. She doesn't know what goes on at school or home but if I'm sad or go to work crying she doesn't ask just comforts me. She is 40 but looks can be deceiving she looks like she is in her early 30's..

When I arrived in the library I said hi to the librarian who was also a somewhat kind lady as long as you don't get on her bad side. I sat in the back reading my 500 page book and eating my burger. I felt great here. Here i don't  have to worry about dana or the jocks or anybody because no body comes here this is only for the nerds. 

20min or so I felt a chair scrape against the old carpet. I felt my body go rigid. Questions were floating through my head. Questions like who is it.what do they want. And why are they sitting with me. Maybe there lost? That could happen. Right? Maybe if i just keep reading and ignore they will just go away. 

"Hey" ohh.my.god.  It talks. Wait was that a guy. Ok the universe got high and is messing with me even more. Cmon I've been a good girl.

(the guy)

"I see that you enjoy reading, me  to. Its better then being in the cafeteria right? People can get sooo annoying am i right?Sorry my name is chase.  Your the first girl that i see here. i mean im not one to judge considering the guys would laugh if they saw me here but i still probably get more chicks then them. Wow look at that here i was talking about people getting annoying but here i am probably annoying the living hell out of you. Your probably thinking of ways to murder me inside that head of yours." is this what guys do?  They talk alot then talk more and talk about how much they talk.