[ jeamus ] confused about it

Chapter 2: { Dreams and Scars }

[ Seamus PoV ]

I stood on the far edge of a flat roof, my bare toes just barely off the edge. My scars stung as the cold wind seeped through open ones and brushed against recent cuts. Cars and trucks hummed by, lights shone throughout Colorado, and honestly, the night was so beautiful. And this is what I wanted to see. I wanted to see beautiful things before I walked off. Away. Falling. Free falling.

My body felt heavy as I tossed over, clenching the sheets and bracing myself as if someone was about to stab me.

I let one leg inch forward, finally kicking the air with it and falling. No effort was put into me, as lights rolled by quickly and blood broke open from my scars. My mouth opened, smoke escaping it and choking me. Then everything went black, and cars beeped and truckers yelled. Gasping, crying, gagging, any sound someone could make was heard. But a similar voice called through out the crowd. "S-Seamus.." It was shaky, and deep, but quiet and so soothing. "I..I'm sorry..I wanted to tell you..I.." The voice spoke, and before I could hear them finish, something awoke me in reality.

"SEAMUS!" James yelled, my body shooting upwards and turning towards him. "WHAT?!" I yelled back, rubbing my eyes and trying to find my glasses. He shoved them into my hands and growled. "How the fuck did you end up IN MY HOUSE?!" He yelled softly, almost violently yelling in a whispery tone. "I..YOUR house?!" I looked around; posters of bands and games aligned it, and a computer desk sat against the left wall. "This..isn't my room.." I mumbled, snapping my eyes to the angry, steaming man beside me. "No fucking shit! How did you get in here?! I gave you no key, and you said you were just grabbing your phone!" He was right; I actually did come here, and, well, I might've passed out. Good thing the sheets were red, because my arm stung and a dried up stain on my arm made me squirm in disgust. Busted one open, probably. "I should get going, sorry.." I scrambled out of bed, sliding my glasses on and taking my phone. He growled, sheets being tossed were heard not too far down the hall. But a scream sent me flying back to the room. The object he held shone brightly against the sun shining inside. "Were you trying to MURDER me?! Get the fuck out." He handed me the object, shoving me against the wall and storming towards the door. Silver, blood stained..a blade. My blade. My blood.. "James, I wasn't-" "Get out before I call the fucking cops, now." His voice stung me; how bold and angry it was. "Okay..bye, I guess.." I walked out, stopping for a second before starting up again. But a hand, a warm hand, grabbed my wrist tightly and made me hiss out in pain. He pulled me back to face him, the fire in his eyes dying down. "You're not cutting, right? And plus, the blade probably isn't yours.." He reached out to grab it with his other hand, before stopping as his other fingers glided along my arm.

Shit.

I pulled my arm away and bolted out, my arm burning more then ever. I felt warm tears build up and cover my eyesight; I didn't care about James yelling and calling my name before cursing in anger and closing his door. I didn't care; I made it home, and that's the safest place.

I slammed the door shut and ran my pale fingers through my hair, sighing in disappointment at myself and sliding down a little. My legs gave out, and so did my body. I sat down to the ground, twiddling with the blade. "I'm sorry James, I didn't mean to run.." I spoke quietly to myself, pulling my left leg close to my body and giving me bare skin to cut. To break open. To see that rare color flow out. And so I did. I glided it across my skin in a fast, pressures manner and screamed into my hand in pain. Tears began to roll down my cheeks, dripping onto my fingers and falling. I loved it, but I hated it. I wanted to stop, but I couldn't. Blood dripped onto my carpet, seeping in and leaving a stain. I did it again, and again, and again, until my fingers shook and dropped the blade. I cried more, and more, and got dizzy and numb. My phone rang, and I barely could see who it was. I saw blurs of letters as it shook in my hand, giving a vibration through my bones and nerves. I stopped myself from crying and calmed down, answering it and hearing Jordan's father-like voice sound through the phone.

# Seamus, are you alright? James thinks you're cutting, I just want to make sure, and well, judging by hoe you keep hiccuping, you're crying. Please tell us you're not, or I'll bring my cats for comfort. #

"Psh, whaaat?" I lied, gritting my teeth and getting a sigh as a response. He hung up as fast as he could, and I sighed, hanging up as well. He was coming with his cats. And I kinda liked that. He's so caring, and I loved him for being so fatherly. Sometimes he'd crack cat puns just to make me happy during depressed times. I got up, stumbling a little and hissing as my scars stung against my skin. I left the blade in the carpet; just let them find out already. I grabbed a towel and soaked it, brushing it against my leg and soaking up the dry blood and examining my arm. In fact, I did bust open a few scars at James's house. I wiped my arm and jumped as Jordan opened the door with his one, grey cat. "Thor is here! With his almighty owner, Jormeow!" He smiled, his cat purring and hopping out of his arms.

Oh, what a good friend he is..
--
lazy ass updates yeaa!!
:3c i hope your enjoying this reboot; and for new readers, welcome, as this is just the beginning of this wild ride!

-nik ☆ w ☆