[ jeamus ] confused about it

Chapter 6: { Mirrors Tell Lies }

a/n. this gets super heavy into depression (anorexia, starvation, scars, body issues, etc) so if your touchy about this stuff, scroll/swipe til you see -/\- okay? this is kinda just how i feel right now and i feel it would fit so well. so enjoy, i guess??
[ Seamus PoV ]

Mirrors tell lies, don't they?

They don't, I knew it.

I hated my body to the point where I wanted to just rip me apart. Literally. I couldn't stand and look at the fact that my arms beared scars and that my legs were just growing into scars. Starving myself once in a while wouldn't hurt, right? I mean, I know I'm fat and I know I'm not perfect, and I want to be. Wanting to show off my legs, arms, chest, muscles-oh wait. I have none, that's right. Because I'm cranky and snappy and sarcastic all the time and I can't be normal and James probably doesn't even love me like he says he does-

I smashed my bare knuckles into the mirror, shattering it and making my hand bleed from the pieces that dug into my skin. I didn't need to put myself down, but it just happens. My eyes stung from the tears that were flowing from my eyes, and my body shook as I stared at all this glass. It looked back at me, as I looked. Staring me down, telling me insults like I deserve them. I stepped away, my feet poking and stabbing into some glass. Perfect; I deserved this pain. I looked at the floor and held my stomach, grabbing the door handle and sighing. "I better get dressed, go to James and fake it all. Fake my smiles, everything.." I rubbed my arm, watching the small blood drops slip down my knuckles to my fingers.

I slipped into the bathroom, holding on for dear life onto the sink and scrambling up to my feet. I wanted to break every mirror I saw, god damn it. I opened the cabinet and saw my death medicine. Sleeping pills. Ah, how ever so peaceful. But something always kept itching its way into my heart, amd it was James. I couldn't kill myself over James, no, that would be torture for him. "Wouldn't it be nice..?" I heard a voice, just as similar as mine, but corrupted, and as I stared into the mirror, I saw the worst possible thing.

An arm was hung over my shoulder, tracing my collarbones and laughing hoarsly. "Go the fuck away.." I walked towards my bedroom, grabbing a sweatshirt and a tee. It followed me, everywhere, and suddenly grabbed my arm. It stared, and smiled, and a sharp blade ran against my arm. The whispers, the troubles, everything.."You're fat, ugly, how could he love you?" It spat, snickering and smiling as it drew more blood from my arm. "Starve, cut, and don't be yourself" It kept pounding and hurting me, and my eyesight began to blur. "S-Shut up! He loves me...for..w-who..I am.." And with that, I was pushed to the floor and my back smashed against the hardwood flooring. I couldn't open my eyes, it was hard to, as if a ton was placed against my eyes.

And I began to sleep..and sleep..until another sharp pain slapped me in the arm.

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a/n you probably hate me for writing out my feelings..its okay. im just going through hardship!
enjoy, have a nice day, and ily all!! （≧∇≦）-nik