[ jeamus ] confused about it

Chapter 3: { Confessional Time }

[ James PoV ]

Things at the office made it awkward between me and Seamus. Jordan would always check on him, acting like his fucking father. Laughing, chatting. Acting all cute while he's stealing MY spot-

Wait, why am I mad about this?

Oh, right. Because Seamus cuts. He seemed to have realized I did, because I felt rigid skin tears and scab-covered scars along his wrist.

I told him throughout highschool to NEVER cut, and yet, he did. And I hated it. Simple skin scars and tiny blobs of dried blood dotted the scars ever-so perfectly, meaning the scars were healing. I told him, and I quote, 'Someone like you, Seamus, shouldn't puncture skin like I do. You're handsome, too handsome to do that to such wonderful looks. And it'll damage your personality too. It'll hurt, and you could die fron it...So promise me, you'll never do it, okay?'

⇔ Sophmore Year: 10:35 P.M. ⇔

"Oh James," He threw his arms around me, crying and gripping my shirt. "I won't, I promise..And you should stop too.." He fixed his glasses, laughing at himself and at how we were both crying. I was crying; I should take my own advice. But I don't, and honestly, I wish I did. "I will, and look. Come with me" I grabbed his wrist, dragging him to my room and pulling out a small box. I opened it, assortments of razors and blades scattered among it. "I'm gonna throw these off the roof, but don't worry, you can watch me throw it into the dumpsters, haha!" I laughed, grabbing the box and biting my lower lip in a nervous manner. "Come on, James, why not do it now?" He smiled at me, taking my free hand and holding it. We both blushed, and pulled hands away, but they magically connected like magnets.

And that's when we both realized we liked each other, but kept it to ourselves..

⇔ End Flashback ⇔

"James!" Seamus snapped, shaking me and snapping me awake. "Whaat?!" I grabbed his wrists, my expressions dropping and letting go as he pulled his hands away. "I..uh..You know, don't you?" He sighed, hugging himself and looking away. I stood up from my chair with a grunt and hugged him, pulling him close. He hugged back, crying into my shoulder and mumbling words that couldn't be heard. "Seamus..how many do you have? Don't you remeber what I told you back in highschool?" He nodded into my chest, laughing a little and holding the back of my shirt. "Too many to even count..and of course, I haven't forgotten.." I laughed, pulling his head up and holding his chin. He was so easy to kiss, to tell 'I love you' to, and to..to..

"Hey, Seamus, do you mind coming over later? I want to..talk to you about something..not scar-related, either.." I breathed shakily, letting go of him as he shook. As if he wanted the hug to last. As if warmth, my warmth, slipped from him. But he nodded and just walked out, doing a little victory 'Yeah!' with his lips and smiling to himself.

What a doofus. My doofus.

-/\-

Seamus came over at 10, and I felt as if I was gonna tell him my feelings at the time where we swapped emotional crying and hugs. I sat down on the couch and sighed, rubbing my hands together. "First, I wanna ask you when and why you started this whole self-harming thing.." He sighed, running his fingers through his hair and laughing. "During college..around uh-" He coughed, turning away and mumbling, "20.." I grabbed his arm gently, avoiding his scars with my fingers and trying not to grip. "College, after we split apart, huh?" I sighed, pulling him closer a little and his eyes meeting mine. He blinked, his mouth agape and trying to form words. "Because..I missed you..because..I..I.." He hid his face, sighing and grunting in anger. "Because I loved you alright!" He stood up, clenching his fists and growling. "Just..loved..? As in, you don't love me anymore.." I stood up as well, looking at him and staring him down. "So I guess my feelings don't matter anymore!" I grunted in anger, my fingers curling into a ball. "Your feelings? You haven't even told me them!" He stepped closer, raising his hands to push me away, or to hit me. But no, I wanted to show him how I feel. I grabbed his face, staring deep into his eyes, and his eyes blinking at me in confusion. And we stepped closer at the same time, faces merely centimeters away. And we inched, closer and closer..

Until the space was closed.
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cliiiiiifffhanger!!
hate me all you want!! i dont care!! laughs at you
○ ▽ ○ i love you guys dont worry!!
-nik ☆ w ☆