𝐀.𝐌. 𝐑𝐀𝐃𝐈𝐎 ║ 𝐌𝐂𝐘𝐓

kidnapping a tall person

═════ஓ๑「𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚕 𝚕𝚒𝚏𝚎」๑ஓ═════

        "i still can't believe you and techno are roommates," charlie said. tommy nodded, but (y/n) wasn't on their phone at the moment, so they couldn't see him. "that's just so weird to me."

        (y/n) rolled around on the back of the shopping cart, zooming around in the cereal aisle. "why? i really don't get it."

        "your personalities are so different," tommy stated like it was obvious. like, bitch where? "techno is all: 'meh, meh, meh, i kill orphans and i am so bad; how ba-a-a-ad can i be?' and you're all like: 'lawl, no thoughts, only karma chameleon and pussy.'"

        (y/n) wanted to retaliate, but that was honestly too true to deny. "think of this, though: that's us now. that was not us then."

        "sorry," charlie rolled his eyes, "what were you and technoblade like back in 1763?"

        "glad you youngins asked. techno was very, very socially awkward. he was worse than he is today. i'd laugh at him, but i was literally no better."

        "what? how'd you meet if you were so shit at conversation?" tommy asked.

        "bruhh. i hung out with these radical people—aka this one lesbian and this one horny scorpio... techno's told the story of how 'a lesbian called him actually funny,' right? i was there. minka and atticus forced me and techno to talk, that day. fuck, we were so awkward. i'm physically cringing at the memory."

        tommy and charlie snickered.

        "holy shit, i'm swerving—" the shopping cart (y/n) was on almost toppled into the toddler section. by some miracle, they managed to steady the cart, and not fall on an unsuspecting two-year-old. that was the end of that. they got off the moment it stabilized. no more. "guys, i am not dead, yet."

        charlie snapped his fingers and sighed. "aw, drat."

        "i hate you."

        "i— well, it's not unexpected. wait, does your store sell those praline wafer sticks? they're like pralines, but wrapped in wafers, and they look like long cigarettes, hollow... aw, fuck. tommy, do you have them?"

        (y/n) searched the sweets aisle. "i don't fuckin' know, uh..." (y/n) turned on the camera and quickly switched to the front to the rear camera. "uh oh, almost face reveal 😳. anyways, do you see the praline sticks?"

        "who are you? dora?"

        "go to hell."

        "they're at the top!" tommy pointed out. "it's at the top left, right?"

        "what? left or right?"

        "left, right?"

        "right?"

        "fuckin—" tommy turned on an audio distorter. "IT IS AT THE TOP LEFT, CORRECT?"

        "holy shit, my eardrums," charlie laughed.

        tommy shuffled closer to the monitor, furrowing his brows like he saw something. "oh shit, there's actual chocolates beside them, too. might want to get those. they're good."

        (y/n) hummed. "i'll consider it."

        in retrospect, (y/n) wished they'd taken techno's previous offer. they should have worn his platforms. they couldn't reach the container, at all. it was on the back of the top fucking shelf. who even fucking does that? besides, if they could even reach it, could they lift it? it looked heavy.

        (y/n) set their phone, with the camera still on, on one of the shelves. they tried standing on the tips of their toes, but even then, they couldn't reach them.

        "shit," they cursed under their breath.

        "do you, uh... need help?" someone behind them asked, a little awkwardly.

        (y/n) turned around, and narrowed their eyes. (y/n) swore they saw him before... where, though?

        the person was tall, definitely over six feet, and they wore jeans and a familiar hoodie. was that fundy's merch? that definitely wasn't fundy, though. no way in hell fundy was over six feet. if he was, goodbye—

        "'s that fundy?" (y/n) subconsciously asked.

        the person looked down at their clothes. "huh? oh, yeah."

        "poggers, i guess. oh wait, yeah, fuck, i do need help. could you maybe grab that fuckin', er... literal bucket of pralines, and the chocolates beside it?"

        "who's that?" tommy asked. "(y/n), are you talking to someone? are you being social, for once in your life?"

        "oh, shut the fuck up," they whispered under their breath. "i'm exceptionally social now. i just wasn't back in college."

        if the person heard, they didn't say anything about it. they just handed (y/n) what they wanted, and awkwardly stood around for a hot minute.

        (y/n) snapped their fingers. "hey, i didn't get your name. or your pronouns, for that matter. i'm (y/n). they/them. i know, so great." well, they said it before they could stop it. let's hope the person was at least an lgbt supporter 👍.

        "oh." they smiled. "you can call me eret. i go by all pronouns."

        "eret? ayo, did i hear that right?" tommy shouted. "eret? the eret? aren't you in canada, or some shit, (y/n)?"

        "true," (y/n) drawled. "i am in canada. hey, man, my funky online friend apparently knows you, or something. he asked why you're in canada."

        "oh, is that so? it's nothing major. i'm just visiting a friend, here. i was just leaving the store, because i still have to find a hotel to book, aha..."

        "what? bullshit, don't do that." (y/n) linked their arm with eret's. "come stay at my house. any friend of tommyinnit's is an acquaintance of mine. i don't think my roommate will mind, either! if he does, we're replacing him, dur."

        "wait, did you say tommyinnit—?"

        "what's that? i hear the sound of no one protesting 😀!" (y/n) dragged eret to the self-scanner, scanned and paid for their two items, and bolted out of there. they really fucking speedran that shit, because they were out of there in less than a minute.

        (y/n) wasn't stupid, obviously. they knew eret was, like, part of the smp or something, and tommy even backed that up. they weren't asking a literal stranger to stay over. okay, that was a lie. they knew close to nothing about eret, but glossing over that— 

        hey, at least she was a friend of a friend.

        "techno!" (y/n) called, kicking the door open. "i brought home a homeless person!"

        techno looked up from his phone. "excuse me, what?"

--
i am so cool i got chongyun

edit: i lost chongyun to the ps4 void but at least i have rosaria...

 eula my beloved come home 🥰