Dreamland [editing]

twenty two

"Heyy heyy" Scarlet Said as I entered back into my room.

I was taken on a wheel chair to the bathroom to brush and freshen up or whatever.

The whole wheelchair thing freaked me out, it made me feel like something serious happened to me, which I guess it did, I was just still not entirely accepting everything.

The Nurse and Scarlett helped me back onto the bed.

Jacob, Ryan and Aiden then walked in.

"Where's your mom?" Jake asked, running a hand through his hair.

"She went home to take a bath and get coffee" I said adjusting myself on the bed.

"The doctor wanted to talk to her" he said.

"She'll be back soon" I replied.

"Oh my god, do you know anything about my car?" I asked. I was surprised that the thought hadn't come to be before.

"Oh yeah, I took it to my cousin' place" Jacob said.

He had a cousin who had a repair shop.

"Wow, Thank you"

"Yeah, sure"

"how much will it cost?"

"Nah don't worry they said they'll do it for free" he replied.

"Ooo that's great, thank you guysss" I said.

"Yeah no problem" Jacob said.

"Umm..what about the other person?" I mumbled, after a long pause.

"Hmm?" Aiden hummed.

"I crashed into a truck, did the driver get hurt?"

"Barely..." he said through gritted teeth.

My mom then walked in with a bag of doughnuts.

She greeted everyone enthusiastically and placed the food on the table near the bed.

"Scarlett, Jacob, Ryan!, Aiden," I'm guessing she met Aiden the other day?

"I'll be right back, I need to have a word with the doctor" she said and walked out of the room.

I closed my eyes, and uncontrollably remembered how my car crashed.
I was struggling to take a full breath in.
My hands were shaking on the streering wheel as I held it.
I momentarily looked away and lost controll of the streeting wheel. I should've just payed attention while driving. My head went flying forwards into.....

"Hayley?" Aiden's deep voice said from beside me.

"Hmm?" I said snapping out of my daze.
I looked around me and took a deep breath in, appreciating that it was fulfilling.

I pushed my hair out of my face uneasily, and began feeling more uncomfortable as I thought about it. My head was getting heavier and my entire body felt soar.

I felt the need to get up out of the bed and run. I wanted to run as fast as I could. Just run, with no specific destination.

"Hey, Jones?" Scareltt called.

I looked at her and smiled as best as I could.

"I'm guessing you want to be alone for a bit, so we'll leave and maybe I'll see you in the night?" She said, looking at the others.

I don't get how she knew me so damn well, but I really did want to be alone for a bit.

"Yeah" I said under my breath , for some reason feeling tears form in my eyes.
I clenched my jaw and stopped the tears from rolling out and everyone made they're way out.

I took a few breaths in calming down, and accepting that wanting to get off my bed and run away was highly unrealistic and rested my head on the pillow behind my neck.

What an ideal way to spend my Sunday.

A couple minutes later, my mom came into the room and say on my bed with her coffee in her hand.

"Hayley, I think we should talk" she said softly.
I wanted to go back to sleep.

"Umm, I'm just going to get everything out of the way first, if it wasn't clear enough on the phone, you father did not take his life away. He was unhappy but not nearly as unhappy as it seems. He OD'd by mistake, I promise." She said calmly.

Okay, so we're having that conversation now.... I didn't really want to do that.
I looked at her and nodded slightly.
My brain was already a mess, this is the last thing I needed.

"He was diagnosed with clinical depression though," she said giving a long pause.
The more she spoke, the more the uncomfortable feeling in my stomach grew, and my eyes began to sting.

"Umm, he first went to a doctor when you were about 15, and it was never really too bad. He never wanted to tell you, which is why I never told you.
I'm really sorry if you feel like you can't trust me, but I'll do anything I can to make that right"
And I lost control. My eyes gave in, and pools of water surrounded them.

"I'm sorry I had to keep this from you for so long," she said, sounding just like my father.

It was all so terrible to think about.The fact that all the time I spent with my dad, when I was having such a good time, he was going through so much, and I didn't have a care in the world.

I also thought about how depression can be genetic. I knew I was a mess, but...well not now, but later in life....

"Hayley, you're father once wrote you a letter, but decided against giving it to you." My mom said handing me a roll of old paper, tied by a pink ribbon.

"Read it whenever you think you're ready.... And.....I'll make it up to you, for everything. For never being home...and for hardly making an effort to be there for you-"

"Mom, it's alright, we're doing fine, right" I said cutting her off. She placed a hand on my cheek, wiping my tears away, and planted a soft kiss on my forehead. "You deserve better than this," she sighed.

Something about having just been in an accident made me want to forgive her for everything. Over the years, I had become so detached from her that if she were to mess up all over again, I don't think it would bother me too much.

******