i regret to inform you i fucked a girls pussy

9 1 1

by vampirecowboy

by vampirecowboy

(a/n: when odelia says "the boy" she refers to cecil lmao ooga booga)

It was almost dawn by the time asmodeus had managed to escape that hellscape of a situation. he felt humiliated. violated. that fucking fruit basket of a group had managed to make him insecure about things he never knew he'd feel insecure about. their words echoed in his head like the sounds of souls being damned to infernal punishment:

"HAHA! LOOK AT THAT HIGH WAISTED MAN! HE GOT FEMININE HIPS!"

"NOOOOOO THAT'S THE THING I'M SENSITIVE ABOUT!"

He shuddered as he entered his taxless goth swaghouse and slammed the door behind him.

"Oh you're home, did you get the grapefruits?", Odelia asked.

"I did not. I had almost arrived at Evil Walmart and suddenly these fucking millennials emerge out of nowhere and start insulting me, calling my demonia swing-230s 'fake as fuck'. FAKE AS FUCK! They added salt to wounds I wasn't even aware I had, Dee. THEY PLAYED TENNIS WITH MY FUCKING HANDS", he yelled and showed her his hands poorly duct taped to his arms.

Odelia merely perked up her head from what seemed to be a gaming PC.

"what the hell is this contraption", he pointed, or at least attempted to, towards it.

"The boy gave it to me. It's modern technology, kind of like a television. Anyways, I'm in a Minecraft server with him and his friends".

"'Minecraft server'? what language is that? Also what do you mean his friends"

"Well, his gamertag is fakeasfuckdemoniasasmodeus, then there's a rosefuckedyourdad, ilyathetennisplayer and nosferatusharkdemoncyborgspidercat"

"YOU ARE FRATERNIZING WITH THE PERPETRATORS"

Odelia shrugged. "they showed me how to use redstone"

Asmodeus took the PC and examined its screen. Everyone in the Minecraft server had a skin of what appeared to be himself, wearing demonias and handless. he was wearing a shirt that said "YOU FORGOT THE GRAPEFRUITS".

Odelia pressed a button. "There's also a voice chat on discord".

Suddenly like three different voices started blaring from the computer speaker.

"YO YO YO PEEPAW I KNOW YOURE LISTENING WE DECIDED TO CHIP IN SOME MONEY TO GET YOU REAL DEMONIAS", Ilya yelled. "YKNOW, AS AN ACT OF GENEROSITY AND KINDNESS".

"MY DEMONIAS ARE FUCKING REAL I HAVE THE SHOE BOX AND THE FREE STICKER THEY PUT IN THE PACKAGE AS PROOF YOU IMBECILIC INCUBUS"

"Have it your way. Anyways can we get back to playing minecraft with your wife now?"

Storm's voice was also heard. "Oh hey he's here lmao hi asmodeus could you maybe bring your hands over again tomorrow? we wanna try badminton"

"Unbelievable", Asmodeus stated and closed the PC.

"WHATD YOU DO THAT FOR THEY WERE GONNA SHOW ME HOW TO ENCHAT A SWORD", Odelia protested.

"I WILL NOT TOLERATE THIS SLANDER ANYMORE"

"alright fine. I'm gonna go get the grapefruits myself. I'm going to Target", she said and excused herself from the room.

"Target? Isn't there an Evil Target?".

"Target's already evil. Evil Target is just Target".

All of a sudden, Storm appeared through a window. "I'LL SHOW YOU A TARGET", he said and shot asmodeus in the dick with a rifle. Asmodeus screamed in pain.

"DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG DICKS TAKE TO REGENERATE?"

"No and i'll never have to. Have fun with your new regenerated dick i'm gonna go smoke a blunt".

Asmodeus couldn't believe this was happening. he was furious. "I can't believe this is happening. I am furious", he said.