asmodeus gets hatecrimed by a bunch of gay millenials

chapter tres: bazingoia

  His sleep was restless, his dreams dark and feverish. he woke up in a cold sweat (FIGURATIVELY BECAUSE VAMPIRES DONT SWEAT) and jolted upwards so fast he banged his head on the coffin door. 

"FUCK-"

  He tried to open it but found that he couldn't. Confused and pissed off, he kept pushing the door but it just wouldn't budge. He gave it a kick and it flew off its hinges and broke the ceiling. Oh well.

  He got up and, putting on his gloves, examined as to why his door was stuck. He saw something tiny, pink and plastic shoved in the door hinges. What the fuck. The first few nanoseconds he looked at it he assumed it was a broken piece off a dildo or something but as it turns out he leaned in and picked up what appeared to be a miniature hand. 

"HUH", he exclaimed. He wasn't sure what the fuck that was doing here but then again lots of personal belongings from random people ended up scattered around in that house for a number of reasons. He figured he was too exhausted and pissed off for this. He decided to go eat tahini in the kitchen because tahini fucks and neither asmodeus nor me the author will receive any criticism on this. None. If anyone has any complaints just know that I've had sex with your mom and she made me tahini cookies

  anyways. he almost fractured his spine going down the stairs when he stepped on multiple of these tiny fucking hands. Just...several. of these little pink bastards. That's when he started realizing that something was seriously wrong. He made his way into the kitchen with significant caution, actively seeking but simultaneously avoiding any other potential encounter with the things. He opened the cabinet, which only had one single jar of tahini in it because its not like they consume any other sustenance other than humans anyways so why do they even have a kitchen in the first place oh well im getting off track here

he opened the jar and terror immediately washed over him. There was no tahini. Only hands. Tiny. Stupid. Fucking. Hands. What the hell. What the hell. 

Odelia appeared kinda out of nowhere. He just looked at her, at a loss for words, and slowly turned the jar for her to see the hundreds of tiny plastic hands inside his beloved tahini jar. Odelia observed the jar, then they both took a look at their surroundings. You couldn't notice it the first time. But upon further inspection you could see that tiny hands had found their way and even replaced certain small details around the entire house. They were in drawers, they had  replaced the dishwasher capsules, they clogged the sink...Asmodeus noticed a framed picture on the table and saw that the hands had been cut off and replaced with printed of tiny ones. 

He was really starting to dissociate his balls off now. He knew who was doing this. He fucking knew. There was only one group of people, nay, parasites who would commit such an act of apparent psychological warfare. His hand clenched around the jar. His gut feeling told him to reach into his pockets, and he did, pulling out a whole bunch of the plastic fuckers. Odelia did the same. She looked at him, mildly puzzled.

"Well", she said, "this is getting out of hand".

Asmodeus had no remaining brain capacity to think about how swag that pun was. He just stood there, a broken man. They had harassed him on the street. They had called his demonias fake as fuck. They had ripped out his hands and played tennis with them. They prevented him from buying grapefruits for his wife and had flamed him on a Minecraft server with her. They had planted hundreds, most likely thousands, of microscopic hands throughout his residence, his home, as a way to scorn him, to tap into the deep, dark trenches of his psychological turmoil. But to mess with his tahini.........now things had gotten personal. These hooligans didn't know they had just waged a war. 

He stormed up the stairs. 

"What are you going to do?", Odelia asked, pulling a few tiny hands out of her ponytail. 

"There are some bad apples out there...", he replied quietly, then turned to look at her. "...and it's applesauce season".