Just Add Water

Chapter 36

Natsu and Lucy spent hours in his garage working on his new surf board. Natsu was impressed that she stayed for as she did, most girls usually got really bored with this kind of stuff very quickly and left. Truth be told, Lucy wasn't all that interested in the surf board making but she was glad to be spending time with Natsu. To her it didn't matter what they were doing as long as they were doing it together.

"Looks pretty good so far." Lucy said examining what they had accomplished for now.

"Yeah but good is not enough." He said. "It has to be great."

"It will be." She assured him. "And you'll definitely win the contest this year."

"You're sure."

"Positive."

"Well if you have faith in me then I can't lose. You know water and how it works better than anyone I know."

"I do?" She said getting nervous. What did he mean by that? Why would he think she knew better about water than most? Did he suspect her of being a mermaid? "No I don't. Not really. What would give you that silly idea?"

"Well you were one of the best swimmers in Magnolia."

"Oh..." She said getting relieved. "That..."

"Yeah. You won almost every swim competition. You even once swam with a broken arm."

"What can I say? I was good."

"Yeah you were which always made me wonder, why did you quit? You were the best of the best, you could have been a champion. But then suddenly you decided to just stop. Why?"

Lucy didn't know how to answer that. Truth be told, a lot of people she knew aside from Juvia, Erza, and Gray had been asking her that lately. Heaven only knows the number of excuses she gave them. 

"I just decided I don't like to swim for sport anymore."

"I decided that I should focus more on my school work. There's no a hundred percent guarantee I'll be a famous champion."

"I want to broaden my horizons. I'd like to try other things like tennis or gymnastics."

Obviously she couldn't tell anyone the truth so she had to make up false excuses. Which she didn't like to do, she really didn't like to lie and she missed swimming. In truth it was one of the few things that made her feel close to her mother. Her mother had been a champion and Lucy always felt the desire to be a champion just like her, especially after she died. In a way she and Natsu were a lot alike.

They had both lost someone they loved who were champions at a great sport and after the death of their loved ones they had decided to follow in their footsteps. To become champions like them. But now that Lucy thought about it, did she really want to be champion? Or did she subconsciously convince herself that if she achieved that goal it would somehow bring her mother back?

"I have a lot of reasons for quitting but I think one of the main reasons was that swimming was more of coping mechanism for when my mom died." She said just now realizing it. "Don't get me wrong I loved swimming and enjoyed doing it for sport. Winning those competitions made me feel great but I think did it for so long was because I felt like it would somehow bring Mom back."

"Oh Lucy." He said gently before softly grasping her hand. 

"Dad pretty much shut me out when Mom died. He still loves me, I know he does but he won't let me get close to him like he used to. Mom was gone, Dad wouldn't let me in, so I had to find another way to cope. It worked but then I found something else to help me."

"What was that?"

"My friends. In the beginning Juvia was my only friend and we were close but my swimming competition kept me from spending a lot of time with her so I pretty much didn't have anyone to really talk to. I just kept quiet and focused on school and swimming. But later on when I ended up quitting and I met Erza, I became really close to her and Juvia. I could really talk to them about how I feel and I wasn't so lonely. In fact I'm never lonely."

"No offense but is it really smart to throw away something you trained for just because you're not as close with your friends?"

"I'm not saying that you should give up a championship for a better social life, but you shouldn't have that goal just because of some deluded belief that it'll bring back someone who's gone for good." Lucy said. "I always thought Mom was the only person who would ever understand me and always try to be there for me, so I tried to be like her because I stupidly thought it would somehow bring her back."

Tears were welling up in her eyes. 

"But having friends like Juvia and Erza, friends who will always try to understand me and be there for me has made me understand that I never really wanted to be a swim champion. All I ever really wanted was to be with my mom again. But...But she's not coming back...Even if I did become a champion she still wouldn't come back. Nothing is ever going to bring her back."

Tears fell from her eyes. She spoke as if she had known this for quite sometime but in actuality sh was just realizing this now. She felt embarrassed. She desperately tried to wipe her tears away or hide her face. Anything to avoid letting Natsu see how sad she was.

"I'm sorry." She said while giving a poor attempt to put on a happy face. "I don't know what's the matter with me. You don't want to hear this depressing nonsense. It's not even important-"

But he took her completely by surprise by hugging her to his chest.

"It's okay to cry Lucy." He told her. "It's not stupid to want to see your mom again. You're not the only person who's ever lost someone they loved and has spent their life begging for them to somehow come back. Even if they're dead."

"But I'm not a little kid anymore..." She choked back a sob. "I shouldn't still be so upset about this. I should have gotten over this."

"No one ever gets over losing someone they loved. Not entirely that is." He pulled her back to look at him. "I'm going to tell you a secret okay? No one else knows this. I've never told anyone else but I'm telling you so keep it a secret."

"Alright. What is it?"

"Every year on my brother's birthday I go down to the beach at night, stand by the shore, make sure I'm alone, and I cry." He said. "I cry because on that day I'm reminded that my brother is never going to have anymore birthdays. I cry because I'm reminded that he's never going to graduate high school. I cry because I'm reminded that he's never going to go to college or have a career or get married or have a family or do anything that he was supposed to do because he died when he was only eighteen. Screw what the law says about legal age, because he was still just a kid. He had his whole life ahead of him and it ended too soon. Because of me."

"Natsu."

"They told me not to go into the water at night. They said that's when sharks typically hunted. I knew that. I knew that from the time I was five but I still stayed out there and then...The point is there's nothing wrong with grieving someone. There's nothing wrong with missing someone. It's what makes us human."

She smiled at him, then hugged his neck.

"Thank you." She said softly.

When she pulled back they became silent for a moment and only gazed at each other. Both were now suddenly feeling very unsure of what to do next and before Natsu could even think about making a move, Lucy's phone went off.

"Hello." She said answering it. "Oh hi Dad...No I don't know how late it is....Ten o'clock? Oh I'm sorry! I lost track of time!...Yes I'm on my way home right now! Goodbye!"

She hung up.

"I have to go." She told Natsu. "I ended up staying longer than I thought. My dad is going to have a cow."

"Here I'll take you home."

"Alright but drop me off just a little ways from my house. If my father finds out I stayed out late with a boy, forget the cow he'll have a whole cattle drive."

They got into Natsu's car and he drove her home but stopped when they were just a block away from the house.

"Thanks for helping me with my board." He said. "I'm sorry for keeping you after curfew."

"It's alright. Dad will get over it and I really liked spending the evening with you."

"Me too."

They smiled at each other again, then she got out of the car, waved goodbye to him, and walked to her house while feeling very happy.