truth is... I am in love with you

Part 4

Clarke woke up in the bed she had woken up in before. Lexa's naked body was sprawled out next to her. Clarke sat up burying her head in her hands. She threw her legs over the edge of the bed. Picking up her shirt from the floor. She heard movement behind her. 'Are you leaving?' Lexa asked. Clarke closed her eyes. She didn't know what to say.

'I have classes,' she says.

'Let me make you some breakfast first,' Lexa says. Clarke feels Lexa's fingertips caress over her shoulders. Lexa places a soft kiss on the blonde's neck. For a moment Clarke let herself fall into Lexa's touch.

'You don't have to do that,' Clarke says.

'I want to,' Lexa says.

'Are you okay?' Lexa asks. She places her hand on top of Clarke's. Clarke looks up from her plate. She forces a smile.

'Yes I'm fine,' she says.

'Are you sure?' Lexa asks.

'Yes I'm sure Lexa,' Clarke says.

'I can clearly see something is bothering you and you don't have to tell me but you have to know that you can talk to me about everything,' Lexa says. A frustrated groan leaves the blonde's lips. Lexa quickly lets go of Clarke's hand. She got up from her seat and grabbed her coat.

'Let me at least drive you home,' Lexa says.

'Fine,' Clarke says.

The drive to the school is silent. Clarke wants to talk but she doesn't know what to say. She doesn't know how to explain what she's feeling right now. She doesn't quite understand it herself.

'Where were you?' Octavia asked as Clarke entered their dorm. 'Can you at least text me that you won't come home?' Octavia asks.

'I'm sorry I'll text you next time,' Clarke says.

'You can't keep disappearing Clarke. We were worried about you,' Octavia says.

'We?' Clarke asks.

'Raven, Bellamy,' Octavia says. 'Even Lincoln,' she says.

'I'm sorry I really am,' Clarke says.

'I'm glad you're back,' Octavia says.

Clarke knew this couldn't happen again and she promised herself it wouldn't. She was going to go into that classroom and pretend nothing happened. It might hurt Lexa's feelings but it would spare her own. She couldn't let herself fall for the brunette because it wouldn't work out anyway. Clarke should've never gone to that party. She would be better off if she hadn't met Lexa at that party. She would be able to get through her last semester without any stress. She can't handle a relationship right now. It was fun and yes Lexa is hot but it can't happen. It just can't.

'Something's bothering you,' Octavia says.

'Nothing is bothering me,' Clarke says harsher than she wanted to.

Everyone in her class turned around and suddenly she felt nauseous. Lexa turned around. She looked at Clarke with a concerned look on her face. Clarke closed her eyes. She buried her head in her hands. Finally Lexa spoke which drew the attention away from her.

'That will be all today. Make sure to finish your assignments before tomorrow's class. I know it's a short time but your previous teacher neglected this class,' Lexa says. Everyone got up to leave the class.

'Clarke would you mind staying a little bit longer?' Lexa asks. Clarke forces a smile and nods.

'If you're going to ask if I'm okay again-'

'It's not that. You just need to grow up and get your shit together. You're making this way too complicated. This whatever it is can be easy,' Lexa says. Clarke was shocked by Lexa's words. Lexa's eyes softened when Clarke didn't respond. 'I'm sorry I might have crossed a line,' Lexa says.

'No you're right and you have every right to be upset with me,' Clarke says. She was too busy being angry at Lexa for no reason at all to notice how good Lexa looked today. 'I just. I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm sorry. I'm a mess,' Clarke whispers.

'Call me when you get your shit together. I like you but you hurt me. You come to my house and kiss me like you want me and the next day you pretend like nothing happened. I'm not interested in being your go to person to get the little relief you want. I'm not in college anymore Clarke. I want more,' Lexa says. Clarke doesn't know what to say next. She never wanted to hurt Lexa and she wants to tell her that but she knows that if she speaks she'll break down in tears.