epitaphs

happily never after

you wanted to be a princess.

with fantastical billowing gowns of silver silk / seams of verdant satin / you shimmered brighter than any celestial in the heavens above / palaces of cedar and oak / turrets that touched the clouds / towers of sycamore / a crown with diamonds that would make the stars jealous / lapis lazuli from ophir / ceylon rubies / and of course

a prince of gold to sweep you off your feet / to make you swoon / to teach you love

handsome and captivating / honorable and brave / everything a prince should be

everything the legends promised

in your young heart / you yearned to be saved / you desired someone who would be there

someone who would / cherish you / adore you / love you / heal you

your mother / she smiles down at your naivety / wistful / perhaps you are a ghost of visions past to her

she only wishes to cherish you / adore you / love you / save you

when she tells you

princes are a myth to ease the worlds pain / there are no fairy tale endings / no happily ever afters / in the end /

at the end / it's a man's world

you giggle / she wraps you up in a feather-soft embrace / but you squirm / you twirl away in your dress / and you dreams / and your hopes /

ignoring her premonitions / her cassandra's cry / because somewhere deep down

you wish so hard for princes to be true / you wish on every falling star / every birthday cake / every loose eyelash and 11:11 /

so you wait

as you grow older / the novelty wears down / the once gleaming palaces and flowy ball gowns no longer glitter so charmingly

perhaps it's the fact that the boy you tried to befriend on the playground pushed you off the swing set and you scraped you knee / instead of scarlett rubies / you got crimson scars

or maybe because another boy laughed at you as you wept fat salty tears / no / you wouldn't get shimmering diamonds / only sparkling tears rolling down your cheeks

maybe you've learned / boys aren't all golden princes / but the villains of the story / who run away from damsels in distress / yelling 'cooties'

but still / you wait / and you yearn / and you wish / and believe / your prince is out there / somewhere / waiting /

after all / in a world of frogs / there must be one to kiss / to turn you into a princess

but the years pass on / the fairytale fades / you are no cinderella with her glass slippers and handsome hero / you are cinderella the servant / the one who sits in ashes of burned delusions / you are rapunzel / locked in a tower of lost dreams / just another one of bluebeard's wives / abandoned / locked away / alone / dead

boys become men / and men / sadly don't often become princes

boys no longer mean prince charming

boys mean your mother pulling your skirt further down / (although it sits just above your knees!) / because "men are coming by the house" / you don't understand at first / but the haunted / fragile / worried look in her eyes silences your questions

it means coming home and burying your / favorite / pair of shorts / deep inside your closet because the lady next door told you that your figure / draws too much / "male attention" / (god forbid!) / you hide your shape in jeans / and hoodies / for the next couple years / ashamed of the curves / your mother gave to you

boys mean staring at the ground while wolf-like men on a street corner whistly coyly as you walk past / even though you're / just / wearing / sweatpants

and there's no one to save you / no prince coming to your rescue / just prowly gazes / dissecting / tearing / breaking you apart

it means bringing a / giant hoodie / to cover yourself with as you walk home in the evevnings after a night out with friends / the more you blend in / the less attention you attract

boys mean a trusted friend's hand dropping from / your shoulder / to / your waist / to / your butt / it means awkwardly smiling and / distancing / it means pretending / everything / is / fine / the next day because / he's your friend / and you never want to believe he would do / something / like that

it means stepping out of the way of the drunk man coming out of a bar at / midday / who makes a pass at you / it means going to bed that night feeling / unnerved / unsafe / it means feeling uncomfortable every single time you walk down that street

boys mean faking a call to a friend when you see that taxi driver leer at you / a little too long / through his rearview mirror

it means having your voice / stuck in your throat / when your body is saying no / when your mind is saying no / when you are saying no / but they are saying

yes

being a girl means watching your brother go out / whenever her wants / but you having rules

girls must be more cautious / your mother explains / as she hands you pepper spray

we're more vulnerable / she says / while making you promise to text her the license plate of every taxi you get into / to never walk alone at night / to always cover up when you're not with somebody else

she doesn't tell your brother about / these things / she doesn't tell your brother to put a jacket on so he doesn't get r*ped / she doesn't tell him that / keys / can be used as weapons for self defense / she doesn't tell him that if he ever gets grabbed to / aim for the crotch and run as fast as he can / to avoid certain areas of town at all costs / to go to the bathroom in groups / to never leave your drink unattended

all you can think is how unfair this is

princesses never had to worry about these things

boys never worry about these things

why do you?