Becoming

Chapter 2: Am I Okay?

I woke up with a start, my clothes are covered with sweat and with a little blood, my face is wet with tears, my pillow is a light brown from my sweat, my dirty blond hair is sticky with sweat and tears.

 I sit up and wince my stomach hurts so much I hold back a tear. I look at my alarm clock. It's 5:07 am. 

My blanket seems stuck to my skin. 

I get up and take my bedding and go downstairs and throw my bedding into the washer. 

I have been doing this every day for weeks now. It's always the same time I wake up every day too. The first time it occurred, I tried to go back to sleep tossing in my bed till 6:00 am but I couldn't fall asleep. 

I would get angry and yell and wonder why I couldn't go to sleep. Maybe it's a disorder. I looked it up but nothing in particular that matched my symptoms. I tried drinking tea and even tried taking sleeping pills and they didn't have any effect on me so I just have gotten used to it.

 I head upstairs and check my phone, 22 texts from Juniper. 

Juniper has been my best friend since kindergarten. She has light brown skin, black hair with streaks of pink in it. She is in 11th grade with me and is always with some boy.

 When we were 5 we made a pact that we would always be best friends no matter what happens. I remember the day like yesterday: It was October 3rd, 2 days before my 8th birthday. It was late afternoon and it was chilly and it smelled like cinnamon for some reason. It was windy and leaves were blowing everywhere. 

We were sitting outside on the branch at the park by her house at the time. Her nose was red from the cold, and so was mine. 

it was quiet when we were sitting on that branch like we wanted to say something but didn't want to disturb the quietness. 

Finally, she said, "Batya, I don't want to ever lose you so promise me with your blood and spit you won't ever leave me and I will do the same." 

she was always so serious all the time now she's reckless and wild. He stole a knife from her kitchen. She was always stealing small things from her house. She would put them in a brown box at my house. 

Whatever she would find we would play with except that knife. I never saw that knife again after that day. 

Before She cut our hands I said "Are you sure? The cut could get infested" 

she replied with a reassuring grin ''Don't worry I saw it in a movie once" with that, we cut our hands and spit on our hands and put our hands together and said, "I won't ever leave you, you will always be my best friend no matter what." 

It seems childish now but it's serious to us nevertheless. 

Now we go to parties together.  We had our first drinks together and a lot of the time we have sleepovers and be young and dumb.  

We skip school all the time and get lattes at a cafe named Bobbie's. She helped me when my dad died. 

The texts are from last night's party I didn't go to because my mom said no, I tried to sneak out but got caught too easily.

 I climbed from my bedroom window onto the broken down roof that's falling apart and at that moment I heard a quiet voice in my mind saying 

"Don't jump Batya" 

but I did anyway. My mom heard me and ran out and grabbed me and dragged me inside and slapped me hard on the cheek and said shakily "You're grounded for a month, just stay in your room or you're sleeping outside"