the secret of distance

Chapter 6

Notes:

"And all I loved, I loved alone."

—Edgar Allan Poe

Hope gets out of bed in a panic. She had missed the half-hour alarm she had set at three, and it's five o'clock. The twins could be gone by now, and her training session with Alaric starts in thirty minutes.

So, she panics. She feels silly, breathing heavily and hyperventilating in a room all by herself, unable to control the knot in her stomach and her chest shaking for air.

It's almost funny, how quickly she feels like her entire world is ending. Like Earth as she knows it is gone. Almost funny. But it's not. She sees months ahead of her where she's miserable and Josie is fine and oblivious. It's not funny. Not really.

She sees a future where Josie isn't in it, and an overwhelming feeling like fear buries itself into her heart and cuts on the way back up.

She's half-stumbling out of her room when she realizes that she's not in any real pain.

Josie is still in the school, and everything is fine, she tries to tell herself.

Everything is fine.

Her eyes are bloodshot when she glances into the mirror in the hallways. Her hair is barely brushed through and she looks terribly disheveled. She finds it doesn't matter.

She needs to see Josie before she leaves. She has the sudden urge to beg her to stay, but deep down she knows she'll never go through with that idea.

She bumps into Alaric a minute later.

"Hey," she greets, trying to keep her voice calm as she continues to walk.

"Wait up," he calls after her, and she pauses for just a moment. Inside, she's screaming. Inside, she wants nothing more than to keep walking and find her way to Josie before the other girl leaves. She feels like she doesn't have time for this. Panic rises up in her throat once again.

"Josie and Lizzie are leaving in—" he looks at his watch, "—ten minutes. I was just on my way to find you. Do you want to come say goodbye with me, before our training session?"

She pauses again, longer than momentarily. Their eyes meet and he raises his eyebrows in emphasis. She almost rolls her eyes.

For a second, Hope doesn't even care that he knows. It feels like everyone knows now, but she's content with this information because no one will say anything at all. Or, at least, they wouldn't dare. She might just kill them all if one of them spills her little secret.

"Yes," she says, very, very quietly. So quietly that Alaric has to lean in to hear her. His brain recognizes the sound a second later, and he nods before walking them in the other direction.

They don't talk again, and before long they're in the front of the school.

Her breath leaves her body the instant she sees Josie, who's loading luggage into a van of some sort. She leans back and puts her hands on her hips, and Hope is so, so relieved. She almost smiles.

"Daddy, I really didn't want my last memory of this place to be Hope."

Oh, right, Lizzie's here, too.

Hope visibly rolls her eyes, but the comment is enough to make Josie notice that Hope is present.

Hope makes the mistake of glancing at her for a little too long and their eyes meet. Josie waves her fingers in an adorable way that almost has Hope waving back. She just nods in recognition, trying to retain some of her cool composure. It doesn't quite work.

"Spare me the dramatics, Lizzie, you'll only be gone a week," Alaric says, pointedly looking at Hope. "Besides, Hope's just here to say—for our training session in a couple minutes..."

He trails off, voice a little higher than it should be, and Lizzie narrows her eyes at Hope. For her part, the tribrid just blinks on the outside, chin tilted up with a blank expression. On the inside, she's simmering with anger towards Alaric Saltzman. He has got to be the most suspicious man alive when it comes to lying to his daughters.

"Right," Lizzie affirms, slowly, still looking dubious. Josie herself hasn't said a single word. "Well, bye, daddy." She reaches out for a hug, and Josie gets in line behind her. Alaric and Lizzie exchange words for a short moment, but Hope doesn't eavesdrop because she already feels like she's intruding. Lizzie glances at Hope, menace written across her face.

"Bye," Hope says lamely, just to spite her. Lizzie starts to walk away, throwing a glare at Hope over her shoulder.

"Don't talk to me." It's just the right amount of spite that Hope wants to laugh.

"Goodbye, Dad, love you," she hears Josie say, reaching out to hug her father like Lizzie had. Hope looks down at the floor, suddenly shy. Why is she even here?

Her fist clenches, and she feels like her insides are being scraped with a knife. She wonders how easy it would be to reach out and not let Josie go. Would she stay if Hope asked her to? Would she—

Fear suddenly grips at her lungs, and Hope looks up to see Josie approaching her with a shy expression on her face. Her words catch in her throat, aching beneath the confines of her teeth.

"Bye, Hope," Josie whispers softly, hesitating a little before leaning forward. She seems weirdly uncertain, but Hope can't quite put her finger on why.

What is she doing?

Hope only has a second to realize that Josie Saltzman is hugging her. Actually fucking arms-around-her, gripping-her-softly, hugging her. Hope only has a second to comprehend it before Josie pulls away, a blush on her cheeks and a pleased smile on her lips.

"Bye," Hope chokes out, the soulmate confession crawling up her throat and grazing against her tongue. Josie turns away, that same, shy smile turning up both corners of her lips. Hope wills her to look back.

She doesn't.

Moments later, Hope can still feel the imprint of Josie's body against her own, the way she had wrapped her arms around Hope's waist. And the way Hope hadn't hugged her back.

An anger boils in her belly that makes her sick to her stomach. Josie gets into the car, and the second the door shuts a sensation erupts against Hope's neck like a hot brand. She burns.

"Was it enough?" Alaric asks her, as they watch Josie and Lizzie drive away.

"No," Hope tells him, acid in her mouth. She rubs at her aching neck. Feels like she might faint.