From LA to UK {Larry Stylinson book 1}

Chapter 24

No, this can't be happening! Harry can't be here! It's impossible that he just saw that. He is supposed to be at school. Louis starts to panic and he pushes the man, he doesn't even remember his name, off him.

"You have to leave, now." Louis says, fighting his tears.

"Wow, chill. Okay, dude. Rude. Stupid twink." The man just takes his jacket off the chair and leaves Louis' room. Harry has left already as well. Louis quickly runs to the shower, undressing himself. He wants to wash away the touch of the stranger. How did he even come up with the plan to invite him over?

Louis cries, loud sobs leaving his mouth as he keeps scrubbing himself with coconut soap. He doesn't want to feel the man's touches on him. He doesn't want to think about the fact that he tried to fuck so many girls. He doesn't want to be kissed by a stranger, doesn't matter which gender, he just doesn't want it. Why did Louis let the man enter? He must have been at least 30 years old. Louis feels disgusted with himself, not only for letting the older man touch him and kiss him, but also because he let random girls do the same.

He slides down against the shower wall. What is going on with him? He has been doing fine for three years. Why is everything coming back? It shouldn't be coming back.

"Louis?" That voice. That's the voice that started everything again.

"Go away, Harry."

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"Louis, I can hear you cry. Don't shut me out. I'm making you hot chocolate. You don't need to talk, just come and join me okay?"

Louis doesn't answer but he stands up, washing the conditioner out of his hair. He could use some hot chocolate.

--

The boys are sitting next to each other on the couch, both a mug of hot chocolate in their hands. Louis' hands are covered by the sleeves of his oversized sweater, feeling more hidden. That's what Louis wants to do, hide.

There is a silly movie on the telly. Harry turned it on when Louis refused to say a word. Harry doesn't want to pressure him to talk and Louis really appreciates that.

"Do you want a biscuit?" for the first time since Louis is downstairs, he talks.

"Yeah, sure. Thanks Lou."

Louis stands up and comes back with the box of biscuits that his mother always puts on the table when people come to visit. They are Louis' favourite, but he isn't allowed to eat them when there are no guests in the house. Jay isn't home and Louis is sure she didn't count the amount of cookies in the box.

"You know you can talk to me, right? I'm not going to judge you." Harry says after a while, hoping the boy will open up.

"It's hard to talk about. Mom and Lottie will be home soon as well. I don't want them to hear the conversation." Louis admits, never making eye contact with the curly boy.

"We can go to my room to talk?"

Louis thinks for a bit. Does he really want to talk about it? Normally he only talks to uncle James. After weighing the pro's and contra's he looks at Harry and gives him a small nod.

"Come on, then." Harry grabs Louis' hand, leading him up to his room. It feels extremely small in his big hand, but it's cute. Louis looks so vulnerable and Harry has the urge to take care of him. Usually Louis is loud and outgoing, now he is quiet and introvert. Harry hasn't seen the boy like that ever before and although he thinks it's really cute, he doesn't like it. He wants to see Louis happy.

Now they are sitting against the headboard of Harry's bed. There is a bit of space between them, but not a lot. Louis is looking for the words to say, and Harry waits patiently. He doesn't want to rush the boy.

"Did you know that homosexuality is punishable in 68 countries?" Louis starts after a while, taking all of his courage. "In some of them there is even the death penalty. I read about it when I did research for our project."

Harry nods. He is well aware that not everywhere in the world he is accepted, but he is really curious where Louis is going with this.

"In Belgium they recently killed a man, just because he is gay." He continues, biting his lip as he fights the tears.

It's hard to hear this for Harry as well, but he stays strong. This is Louis' time to talk.

"And things like that, they scare me. Knowing that some people want me dead, just because I'm attracted to the same sex, it scares the hell out of me.

And then I look at you, Haz. You are so happy, so open and I really just want to be as carefree like you are. When I look at you, I want to embrace who I am, I want to accept myself and allow myself to be attracted to a guy.

But then there are these articles, people online and just... a really bad memory that stops me. There is that voice in my head saying that I have to be with a girl, that it's a lot safer. And right now I just don't know what I want. I am really confused. I tried sleeping with different girls, trying to feel attracted to at least one of them. I invited this man over that is way too old for me who promised me online that he would help me discover my sexuality.

Eleanor and I weren't perfect but she did make me feel safe in some kind of way. I'm just really scared that I'm not going to find that anymore. She made my brain relax, pushing away the thoughts about being with a boy. I have been fine for three years. Now she is gone and I don't know what to do, Harry. I don't know who I am, I don't know what I want, I don't know what to do. I don't know anything."

Harry's heart is breaking when he sees the boy crying again. He has never seen anyone so lost. Coming out for Harry wasn't a big deal, figuring out his sexuality wasn't a big deal and accepting himself wasn't a big deal to Harry. He really wants to give Louis advice, but he hasn't been in that position. He never had that fight with himself like Louis is having now.

Harry pulls the boy closer to him, wiping away his tears and hugs him tightly.

"It's fine, Louis. You have time to discover yourself. I'll help you. I'm next to you every single step on the way on your journey to find yourself."

Louis looks up, eyelashes covered in his salty tears. Louis looks straight into Harry's emerald green eyes, doing his best not to drown in them.

"Do you mean that?" his voice is barely a whisper.

"Yes, Louis. I'm here for you. You are not in this alone."

Louis rests his head on Harry's chest, letting a few more tears escape. Maybe this time it won't end like it did three years ago. This time he has Harry by his side.