Wilted Roses 🥀 A Modern AOT Fic

Chapter 2: "Maybe I had succeeded and this was my heaven."

TW: talk about suicide!!

Niccolo.

Last night I tried to end my life.

And today, I found myself sitting next to a very talkative, very bright and happy girl. I didn't know why she was here, but it couldn't have been the same reason as me. She hadn't asked why I was here, and I didn't plan to tell her. For some reason, I didn't want her to worry about me.

"So basically, we had all gone out of our way to get like ten pizzas for the class and Professor Levi wasn't having it. He even threatened to get Principal Erwin to punish us or something. Like, who cares? He'd probably want some pizza too. Oh, or maybe he would have offered to get us dessert? Oh I wish I'd have thought of that before.." Sasha was practically salivating at the thought of pizza.

Why in the world did she talk about food so much? It didn't look like she ate that much. She looked like a twig. Actually, I could see her cheek bones. However, that probably wasn't a good thing. That usually meant she was here for health related issues. However, she did make me smile. She really loved food and her friends.

"Connie was able to spare one of the pizzas just for me even though the professor tossed the rest away. I was so happy I actually cried and then he noticed I was eating it and he made me throw it away along with the others! Can you believe that bologna?" She shook her head and crossed her arms over her chest.

I'd barely gotten a single word in throughout this whole conversation. I found it.. amusing that she was able to talk to me so freely. So casually. She didn't even know me and she didn't know why I was here. For all she knew, I could be deaf and have no idea what she was saying. Didn't it concern her that I haven't said a single thing other than my initial greeting?

"Then Jean.." I guess not. She continued on with her story about trying to sneak pizzas in for the class. I stopped listening, only for a moment, to look back out the window. My eyes were focused on the ground below, the people walking about with smiles on their faces.

How can someone be truly happy? For as long as I could remember, I've never been truly happy. I have even felt worthless. Last night, particularly, I felt as though I had hit rock bottom. I couldn't shake the demons from my head, telling me I was a bad guy. A traitor to my family, even.

"Are you even listening?" My thoughts were cut off by Sasha, who had lifted herself slightly out of the wheelchair to place herself in front of my face. Our noses were so close, I could even see the little sparkle in her eyes.

I rubbed my neck nervously and nodded once. It hurt to talk. I motioned to my bandage covered throat, sighing softly. "Sorry.. my vocal cords are damaged." So much pain. I could only spit out a few words at a time.

I saw her frown and her mood dampened a bit. I knew she understood what had happened, and it made my heart ache. She knew I had tried to kill myself. Either that, or she assumed I had been strangled or something of the sort. However, I knew she was smart, and I wouldn't be in the therapy room if it were the latter.

"Oh.. alright. Well! I guess you'll have to settle with hearing my voice for a while longer!" She grinned, wheeling herself back a little. "Hey, do you have to be here or would you like to go on a journey with me?" She grinned, a mischievous glint in her eyes.

I offered the tiniest hint of a smile. She was certainly an interesting character.

I held up my hand, showing her the wristband color I had. It was the one that told nurses I couldn't be around sharp objects or anything that I could possibly use to harm myself, which I don't blame them considering I almost died last night. I don't regret it, not at all. In fact, I wish I had succeeded. Maybe then I wouldn't have to pay for all these hospital bills.