Wilted Roses 🥀 A Modern AOT Fic

Chapter 7: "Wait for Me."

Niccolo.

What happened the other day was weird. Everything was weird now. Why was it that way, though? Did something happen that I didn't know about? I know I've been hanging out with Connie a lot more recently ever since the other day when we had a picnic together, and not nearly as much as with Sasha. It felt like we were drifting apart in a way, but I knew we were still connected.

I wonder if Connie knew what was up with Sasha. When I went to ask, though, he was just shoving his face with the spaghetti I had made like there was no tomorrow. He really was similar to Sasha. But he was so dense too. There was no way I'd get any information out of him.

"You really do make the best food, man. How did Sasha even find you?" Connie mumbled through the food in his mouth and I laughed nervously.

"She never told you? We met at the hospital." I told him simply, not planning to tell him everything about why I was there.

"No, no, I know you met at the hospital but how come you were even there? You look perfectly healthy. Were you visiting someone? No way you were there for yourself." Connie just kept rambling. There was no way he was actually asking me such a question.

"Actually, I put myself in there. I tried to kill myself." I said slowly, continuing to wash the dishes that I had used to prep all the spaghetti that it seemed Connie would finish before the day was up.

"You- what? Why?" Connie set his fork down, looking at me with concern.

I didn't know what to tell him. The more I thought about it, the more it put me back into that dark place again. I didn't want pity and I didn't want anyone to think differently of me. My hands began to shake as I put the dishes away. I needed Connie to leave before he saw the ugly side of me. The side no one likes to be friends with.

"Uh.. nothing to concern yourself with anymore. It's been a month and a half since then and I'm clean. I'm fine." I told the other, offering a weak smile to try and assure him that all was good. "Take some of the prepped spaghetti with you. I'll be by to pick up the containers later." I said, ushering him out.

Connie seemed to be in more of a shock that I was kicking him out now as he fumbled to grab his containers. "Oh- um.. okay." He seemed like he was about to say something but I shut the door before anything else was said.

I slumped against the door, tears swelling in the corners of my eyes. I always did this. I pushed people away even though I needed them to stay. If only I understood this better, then maybe I wouldn't have done it so much.

I slid to the ground, keeping my back pressed against the door, as I buried my face into my hands, the tears still falling down my cheeks. I was such an idiot.

Why did I try to kill myself?

I felt as though the world around me had slowed, maybe even stopped. My life wasn't moving forward and everything I was doing felt wrong. I couldn't bring myself to move from my bed anymore than I wanted to do anything. I simply wanted to be alone, and no one would leave me in peace.

They had too high of expectations for me. They wanted me to become a professional chef because of my skill, but my skill alone wasn't enough. What could I do differently than all the others I was competing against? Nothing. I was just a boring nobody. A useless nobody. I brought nothing new to the table. I was average at most. And the pressure ultimately got to me.

I felt that because I gave up trying to please those around me, they slowly forgot about me. I got less and less calls, less and less messages. No one made efforts to speak to me anymore. I was losing my mind, not knowing what to do with my life anymore. I had nothing going for me. I was a wreck, and everyone seemed to know it so they stayed far away. This buildup of anxiety made it harder for me to live, knowing that people no longer felt the need to remember me. Not even my family came around.

I was at my lowest point. And I could no longer take it. I assumed people would be better off without me and that this would be a good thing for them.

However, now that I've been given a second chance at life, I realize I was wrong. There is someone I should be living for. There are people I should be living for. I just didn't know it yet.

And the one person I want to live by my side forever is a food loving girl who's stuck in the hospital fighting for her life and I'm not by her side.

I wipe my tears away, quickly standing up. "Fuck. I'm such an idiot." I mumbled, grabbing my coat and keys as I ran out the door.

"Wait for me! Sasha!" I yelled into the emptiness of the street, running along the sidewalk.

—

Connie just eating chips watching all this happen from the warmth of his car. "Homie needs to brighten up a little. He always makes me so depressed."