Un-Kingly Rule

Chapter 8: The Damaged One

Fall 2016 came to a close. I was lonely. I was depressed. And I had almost drank myself to death more than once before Halloween. That night with Hayley though, that's when I decided that I didn't want to be that guy anymore. I stopped drinking. I stopped being a dick. I just did what I was supposed to. I went to class, I worked out. I played basketball. Most importantly, I avoided girls. I had finally realized that I always make my life and someone else's life worse when I start talking to a girl. I took some time to myself and started to rebuild myself. I still thought about Charlie a lot. I thought about Hayley too. And Marie, who I had seen earlier that year. I started going to counseling for alcohol abuse and for my anger. Which only helped me to understand that I have a lot of patience to deal with half the shit I put myself through.

As I was ready to ring in the new year with my family, my counselor had told me that I should try to reach out to a freshman and try to guide them in the transition of becoming a college student. Perhaps save them from some of the drama the other upperclassman went through. So, I did just that. I reached out to a few new students on Instagram, but none of them replied. I guess they thought I was being weird. One girl did reply eventually. I reached out to her because I saw that she wanted to go to Georgetown. That's a school that presidents come out of. Distinguished and intelligent individuals matriculate from that place. I thought, why not? Maybe I can help her navigate this fucking cesspool. I messaged her, telling her that I saw she was coming to my school, that I was already a student and that if she had any questions or needed any help, she could ask me. She replied sure no problem, thank you. I asked her about herself and she told me. I told her about me as well. Not that I was a fucking sociopath that enjoyed dominating anyone who crossed my path, but that I was a student studying law enforcement and forensic science. We hit it off because she was studying law. We became acquainted, friends even. And I rung in the new year wanting nothing more than for 2017 to be better than the last year.

The spring semester started, I was taking most of my classes online and spent most of my time in the room or on the basketball court. The new girl, Sasha, would occasionally ask me for advice, help, or just hit me up just to chat. I was sticking to my rule of not hanging out with girls because I didn't want to fall back into my old habits. I didn't want to be that guy. I hate that guy. So, when I ran into Sasha in the elevator, we said nothing to each other. She got off first and then I did two floors later. She was silent as a mouse in the elevator, but was quick to message me and talk shit.

"How come you didn't say anything to me in the elevator?" she had direct messaged me. And I scoffed at the message.

"You could have said something too" I countered, but she brushed me off saying that she was tired. Uh huh. She was just afraid too is what it was. I was choosing not. That was the difference.

Eventually we started to hang out. I would help her study for the LSAT, or we would watch Tv together. I was always careful to never stay too late, sit too close, or act in a way that would lead her on. I was determined to not get hurt again. Determined to not hurt anyone else. And honestly...I was just happy to have a friend for once. But it didn't last long. It never does.

Just before spring break, Sasha challenged me. Said that if I was a man, I would have kissed her already. There came good old Sebastian from the depths of hell to accept it. I stomped down to her room at eleven at night and she came into the hall in nothing but shorts and a tank top. I had second thoughts. I was wrestling for control in my own mind. Become the bastard I was trying to escape, or continue living the way I was. She egged me on, and I lost. I pressed my lips to hers with anger. I was angry that she so easily got me to give in. I was angry that I so easily let Sebastian out. I was angry. And I was going to take it out on her. We started to make out. I put my hands on her ass and lifted her into the air; pressing her up against the wall. The kiss intensified and no sooner than me pressing her against the wall happened, she pushed me away. Red faced and panting. She hurriedly said goodnight to me and scurried off into her room. "That'll teach her" I said to the empty hall. I taught her not to mess with me. I thought that with that simple act she would realize I was fifty levels ahead of her. For a while, I thought it worked too. Spring break came, we went back to being friendly and I went back to being a hermit.