Child of Fire

Author's Notes

My headcanons that didn't make it into the story:

Prae had a crush on Cass. Unfortunately, Cass is straight so nothing ever happened. Seeing no future, Prae finally decided to see the world. Make herself happy by traveling and maybe find a special someone along the way. (I forgot if I ever mentioned her new job -- she's a flight attendant for Lufthansa. Yay, Prae!)

Zee's parents -- The reason why Zee's dad was such an angry asshole is that he was forced to marry Zee's mom. Zee's dad already loved someone else but Zee's mom really "loved" him. Their parents had arranged their marriage (they were from old families that saw nothing wrong with arranged marriages). Zee's dad wanted to break the arrangement but Zee's mom manipulated things to force him to marry her. And that was her biggest mistake. Zee's dad ended up resenting her to the point of being physically abusive on top of being emotionally abusive. But Zee's mom just accepted it thinking that maybe one day he would come to love her. It never happened.  Saint was supposed to help her with music therapy since she was depressed over her husband's death -- she had weird feelings of loss and elation. Unfortunately, I just couldn't work this into the story. It would have been something that Saint could help Zee with and sort of like make up for his 8-year absence.

Dr. Chen and Nine -- Oh, my JoongNine ship that never sailed in the story. T_T I initially wanted to have a secondary pair but I found it hard to weave their story in. Nine is very elusive in the story, he shies away from romantic connections.

Kao and Earth -- Oh, my KaoEarth ship that never sailed in the story either (LOL!). Earth gave up going after Kao. Kao is so dense in this story! LOL! He doesn't realize people are hitting on him. I also made him nerdy and serious in this story. Plus, Kao feels a huge sense of responsibility. He would NEVER have relations with someone under his care that's why Kao never responded to Earth even though Earth genuinely likes him. Even though Earth "graduated" from being a ward of the foundation to a staff member, Kao's brain just can't make the shift. (By the way, just in case it wasn't clear, the Kao and Earth here are the actors of Until We Meet Again series.)

Yihwa and Simon -- They had a fling. It never became a relationship because even though both of them were attracted to each other, Simon felt guilty because he felt that Yihwa was too young. Also, he grew up poor and she grew up rich -- the difference in their backgrounds was likely to be an issue and he didn't want that drama.

...... oh, shit, I totally forgot to write about the chocolate sex that someone mentioned in the comments... damn it... my poor old brain forgot it... sorry! oh, well, I had many sex scenes that I wasn't able to write... it was getting embarrassing that the last handful of chapters were so... explicit LOL.... but what can I do? My mind lives in the gutter... :P (but all that sex was so much bullshit... practice safe sex always! ^_^)

Saint's "LIST"

1. Talk to Nine about doing a special program for blind kids.

2. Cook breakfast for Zee.

3. Visit mom and dad more often.

4. Watch fireflies with Zee.

5. Make handwritten letters to family and friends.

6. Read books and comics. 

7. Go scuba diving with Zee.

8. Go to the cinema with Zee, do the whole dating scene again with Zee. 

9. Watch myself getting fucked by Zee... mirror? And maybe, video? Then we'll film ourselves watching our sex video while having sex... like Inception! But porny! 

10. Fuck Zee on the beach in broad daylight!!!

Why I wrote this story and the message I wanted to convey:

The last time I wrote a fanfic was January 2017 so it has been more than 3 years of hiatus. I am a little rusty. This is my 24th completed fanfic and this has the distinction of being the longest. I feel very happy for writing 168K of words even though there were so many mistakes. 

I wrote this story on the heels of finishing The Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation and Addicted:Heroin. I love these novels so much *cries in Mandarin* and I wanted so badly to be able to write something that would be close to EPIC hahahaha! 

(Saint's hobbies - skateboard and motorbike - were heavily influenced by Wang Yibo. I have a crush on Lan Zhan, obviously, LOL! And I've always liked a badass Saint.)

I noticed that both novels had one thing in common, Lan Zhan and Wei Ying were separated for 13 years while Gu Hai and Bai Lou Yin were separated for 8 years. So my small brain thought... hmmm... in order to write an EPIC story, I should separate the characters for at least 8 years also hahahahahaha!  (I  KNOW... I'm dumb like that.)

I am humbled that you liked the story I wrote. But somehow I am a little disappointed because it didn't turn out as epic as I wanted it to be and I know it's largely because I was just too damn lazy to fix my writing mistakes and plot holes. Thank you so much for overlooking my mistakes.  On the bright side, I am motivated to do BETTER until I finally write an epic love story I'll be happy about. ^_^

In my defense regarding the 8-year separation, my intention was to show that it's okay to go after what you want for your personal growth. A relationship shouldn't hold you back. Ahh... yes, I know I screwed up and failed to present it properly. 

I see-sawed between -- should Saint tell Zee about going to China or not? It took me a very long time to decide and when I finally decided that Saint wouldn't tell Zee... in the back of my mind I was scared that you might hate Saint for it. But I also felt that Saint seemed to be TOO PERFECT and he just CAN'T be perfect. So that's why, okay, let this be Saint's big mistake -- not telling Zee about his condition and leaving without a word.

As for Zee, I think his weakness was putting himself last. Even when he's hurt, he just accepts it. I worry about him. 

Also, separation is not always a bad thing. I don't think it's the end of the world. In fact, the find the love story more exciting if they continue to love each other even if they are separated by time and distance. 

Anyway, I seem to have digressed... what I'm really trying to say is that -- It's okay to invest time for yourself. I think it's important to put yourself first. I see some people (some friends and acquaintances) become too obsessed with other people thinking that these other people are the key to make them happy. And they cry and become miserable when these other people fail to live up to their expectations. I believe that each of us are responsible for our own happiness. Other people who make us happy are just a BONUS. 

I apologize if I sound preachy but I do truly hope that you will be genuinely happy with yourself. If negativity surrounds you, I hope you beat that shit up. You are a wonderful human being (I know because you like SaintZee :D Anyone who likes SaintZee must be a lovely person :D) So, I wish you all the happiness in the world. ^_^

Thanks again for reading and for leaving me comments as I worked on finishing this. Your words of encouragement meant a lot to me (you know who you are). Without you, I might have not finished this or it would have taken me 48 years to complete this. LOL!  <3

Virtual hugs and flying kisses,

Sandee