Child of Fire

So Wrong

"Are you okay now, Saint?"

He'd know that voice anywhere. He's heard it in various emotions, he's heard it soft, he's heard it loud, he's heard it laugh, he's heard it groggy with sleep and he's heard it deep with desire.

No, Saint was not okay! 

Saint is 593,164 miles far from okay! 

This wasn't how he pictured meeting Zee after eight years! A thin shirt and sweat pants, which are probably both dirty from the dust and grime when he fell on the ground, were a far cry from the clean and cool outfit that he imagined himself wearing when he'd get the courage to face Zee. And his face! My god, his face! He hasn't even had the chance to wash his face! Fuck!

While his mind was having a nuclear meltdown, Saint put all his effort to force his facial muscles to relax into a smile.

P'Zee...

"I'm okay. I'm really okay," he insisted, not able to look exactly at Zee's direction. Too caught off guard, too ashamed and too guilty to face him. Even if his eyes were working properly, Saint still wouldn't be able bear looking at Zee.  At the same time, Saint was dying of curiosity. How does Zee look like? Is he angry? Is he sad? Does he care? Not seeing Zee's face and not knowing what he was feeling, Saint thought a boulder crushing his ribs would have been better.

How are you, P'Zee?

Did you eat breakfast, P'Zee?

Are you sleeping well, P'Zee?

Are you happy, P'Zee?

The words don't come out. They stay lodged between his throat and the tip of his tongue.

The air conditioning system of the emergency room must be broken because that's the only explanation why Saint was feeling so hot he was sweating. He wished his parents were here already. Even Dr. Chen, Saint wished he'd come back and guilt-trip him some more. Just anything to escape this.

"God, Saint, we were so worried!" Prae's normally calm demeanor cracked in the way she ran her slim hands delicately over his arm. "From the way, Janis talked I thought you were bleeding all over the place and on the brink of death. She called just as I arrived in the office and um... P'Zee offered to drive me here."

For a brief second, Saint hated Prae at that moment. He hated the way she could say Zee's name so easily when he couldn't as he was drowning in guilt.

The atmosphere was awkward and tense, Saint couldn't fill it with his usual chatter.

"Baby!"

Now Saint knows what's it like finding water in the dessert because the relief he felt cooled him down like an oasis. He's so glad for such loving parents.   

"Why didn't you go to BIH?" his mother fussed, running her hand over his head and kissing his forehead.

His father's hand landed on his knee, warm and comforting. 

"It's only a sprain, Mae," Saint mumbled against his mother's rose-colored blouse. He closed his eyes for a moment and let the scent of his mother bring a sense of safety to his being.

"Um, Saint..." Prae called his name hesitantly. Prae and Zee gave Saint's mother and father a wai when they turned their attention to them. "We don't want to disturb you anymore than we already have so we will just go back to the office."

"Oh, don't be silly. You're not disturbing. You are friends with my son, right?" Saint's mother asked, giving them a congenial smile.

"Mae, they are Prae and Zee, their my friends from the university. This is my mom and dad," Saint belatedly introduced them.