Shadows like mine

32

Azriel wasn't surprised when Aurora told him she was too tired to come and eat with his family.
    She went straight to his bed, sleeping in one of his shirts without any bottoms. Exactly how he liked it. Aurora was surprised when she found dagger under his pillow, and even many more around his room when she looked for them.
    She didn't say anything.
    She placed them back in their hiding spots. She only said she didn't want daggers in bed so one wouldn't poke her eye out.
    Elain was acting more distant and was more quiet than anyone had experienced in years. Azriel knew why. They all knew why.
    It wasn't a secret how they had desired one another, before Rhys told him not to. And he did. And by the Cauldron, he was so happy he stopped wanting Elain. If he had allowed himself to love Elain, despite her mating bond and all the risks included, he might've never loved Aurora.
    Never discovered their mating bond.
    And right now, already half a whiskey bottle was empty.
    Azriel didn't care tonight. He didn't care his family would see him like this. The only thing that he could care about was their safety and Auroras live.
    He needed her to live.
    Death doesn't share.
    What if Death took her before they would find a way to break her curse?
    What if she was dead right now and he was drinking? But when he reached out for her through the mating bond, he saw that she was dreaming about him and trying to bake cookies.
    The dream changed into something dirty and it made him smirk.
   "I have no idea what to do," he confessed and Cassian slapped his shoulder.
    "Don't lose the hope yet, Az."
    He just shrugged. Because it was true. He didn't have a clue. No plan. No other methods. Nothing. His head was empty.
    "It's a theory," mumbled Nesta, "but it's the only one we have."
    "That doesn't mean we have to try it," snapped Azriel and Nesta just blinked in reaction. He was glad that she didn't snap back at him. His shadows were hanging thickly around him.
    "We know, Az," said Feyre quick. "Amren will look for something else. We all will."
    He took another shot, but didn't feel the alcohol like he wanted to.
    Maybe it was better that he didn't.
    "Everyone will keep their distance," promised Rhys. "No one will get too close, so no one can trigger Death to come out. We know he's looking over her shoulder. It's better to know that he doesn't see anything interesting."
    They all agreed with that fact. It made Azriel sick to his stomach knowing that Death was so close to him. Maybe that was a reason that he was paired with Aurora when they were born. As an Illyrian, he honoured Death. As a spy master, he used Death in his fingers when he needed information.
    His whole life he had been stalked by Death. And now it directly looked at him whenever he was with Aurora.
    The irony made him take another shot.
    The only thing he ever wanted was someone to love him. Someone for him to love, heal. Someone to call his. Whenever he looked at Cassian and Rhys, he had felt envy.
    Now he had what he had always desired.
    Every second from now on, it could be gone and it scared him to death.
    He could only look around for answers and be with Aurora. And hope. Hope so much that it would burn him.
    "I just hope she won't be taken away from me," he whispered and stared at the flames, "because I just found her."