Thoughts...

Thought I

Almost 1 am. My racing heart keeps me awake. I tried to watch some funny videos on YouTube but they're not helping. I'm listening to music, but still not helping. Can't get my mother's angry face and words out of my head. She loves me, but if she knew the impact of a few angry and insignificant words have in me... She wouldn't say them ever again.

But she doesn't.

I confronted her yesterday saying how I felt about it. She just said that I didn't have to be scared because it's not like she was gonna hit me or something.
I perfectly knew she wasn't gonna hit me.
It's her words that make me shiver. The way she says them. Her eyes. I can almost see flames on them.

But she loves me, I know that. She would give her life for me, I have no doubts. But when she gets mad, it's like the world is closing around me. I just want to escape. My anxiety atacks me.

She's not doing anything wrong, but I feel so bad. So nervous. Why? I DON'T KNOW.

I tried to tell her. But it didn't work.

Now here I am, in the dark of my room, tricking my mother making her think that I'm sleeping, when I'm shaking, sweating and lost in my anxiety.

This is all for today. Let's see if I'll be able to sleep.