Thoughts...

Thought II

Guess what? I didn't sleep. I started feeling my heart failing, but I knew it was just my body playing tricks on me. Still, I felt that tingling sensation from my head to my toes. The adrenaline rushing through my body, causing my heart to beat faster and faster.

I started to panic. My hands started to get sweaty, my vision blurred and mind filled with horrible thoughts. I tried to get through this by myself like my psychologist told me that to, but it just seemed to get worse.

I had to call my mom.

She rushed to the bedroom and asked me what was happening. I told her what I was feeling and she stayed with me until it was over.

After she went to her room I felt so mad at myself because I couldn't deal with it alone. I shouldn't have called her. I should have continued trying to calm myself down. Why am I so weak? Will I ever be able to get over this by myself?

My mind is the responsable for all of this.

WHY DOES SOMETIMES MY MIND IS MY BEST FRIEND AND OTHER TIMES MY WORST ENEMY?

WHY?

I can't control my thoughts. I feel like I should be able to, but I can't. When I feel the slightest pain or discomfort on my body my mind always gets filled with the most horrifying thoughts.

My arm is hurting. You know what? You're going to die!

My breast hurts. Well, guess what? You have breast cancer.

I have a headache. Oh, I know what that headache means. A vein just popped in your head, so that means you are going to die. Oops.

This might sound stupid as hell, I know. It's even sounding very stupid for me right now. That's because I'm feeling well.

But just wait until I get another random pain in my body. I don't need much to start imagining the craziest scenarios possibles.

I'm getting a bit tired.