What Now?

Feelings

The next couple months seemed to drag by. The closer you got to your due date, the longer every day seemed. You were showing more now, but you still didn't have a huge bump.

You'd lucked out in not having any crazy cravings. You actually craved super healthy food, which wasn't like you. You'd never been a horrible eater, but you enjoyed the occasional pizza and beer night. About 10 weeks into your pregnancy, you started craving nothing but vegetables. It definitely helped minimize pregnancy weight gain, and your doctor was pleased with your progress.

You had monthly check ups with your obstetrician, and Henry came to each appointment. You were still hanging out with him a few times per week. He ended up coming over to your house a lot. It was the easiest place to spend time together without risk of paparazzi.

He'd gone out of town a few times for work, and you realized just how lonely you were when he wasn't around. Because you couldn't tell your friends he was the father, and they'd know from when you were in Vegas together, you didn't tell them you were pregnant. You texted with them, but were always too busy to hang out. When you mentioned it to Henry, he completely understood. He hadn't told his friends you were pregnant either. Only his parents and siblings, your parents and your sister knew.

You were hanging out at Henry's new house one night when you started thinking of telling Henry how you felt about him. You wanted to. You really wanted him to know, but you were scared it would ruin everything you'd built.

"You ok, sweetheart? You look a little lost in thought there."

"Yeah, I'm alright. Just having an internal battle about something."

"Want to talk about it?"

"Well, that's the problem. I do want to talk about it, but I don't want it to impact what we've built here."

He looked at you a bit nervously, and wondered if maybe you were trying to tell him you'd started seeing someone. He'd be accepting because he wanted you happy, but deep down, he wanted you to be with him.

"You can tell me anything, love. It won't change what we have."

"Promise? It's kinda a big thing."

"I promise."

You took a deep breath. Ok, you could do this. You should do this. Harboring feelings for your baby daddy but not being open about it was taking its toll. You wanted so badly to be able to kiss him. You hugged him all the time. Probably more than most people would think is necessary. But, you wanted more.

He reached out and took your hands, rubbing his thumbs over the backs to help relax you.

"Oh my god. I can't believe I'm going to tell you this. Ok. I can do it. Yeah?"

"Yeah, you can." He smiled at you.

"I have feelings for you. I have for awhile. But, I don't know if you feel the same, and it's really scary to think that you don't and I've just messed everything up by telling you." Your words came out rushed, but you could tell he understood because he had the biggest smile on his face.

"I have feelings for you too, love. I've wanted to tell you for months, but didn't want to mess things up either."

You let out the breath you were holding and smiled wide at him.

"I really want to kiss you. Can I kiss you, sweetheart?"

"Yes," you breathed out. His hands came up to cup your cheeks, and he leaned in and pressed his lip to yours. Talk about fireworks head to toe. You'd never felt a kiss like this. And you'd kissed him before. 

You didn't push it too far, but he did deepen it slightly. When he pulled back, he smiled that wide smile at you, and you couldn't help but smile back.

"I've wanted to do that for so long."

"Me too."

He leaned back on the couch and lifted his arm.  "Come here."

You cuddled into his side, just relaxing your head against his chest.

"I really want to be with you, sweetheart. I have for so long."

"I want that too. I was scared you wouldn't feel the same and everything we've been working on would just be all messed up."

"Not at all. You remember when we went to dinner and you met my parents?"

"Yeah, of course."

"When you sat there laughing and smiling with my mum, when they took to you instantly, I knew that what I'd thought I'd been feeling was real."

"For me, it was when I saw your face light up when you heard the baby's heartbeat for the first time."

He leaned down and pressed another kiss to your lips. Now that he could do that, he wanted to keep doing it. He wasn't going to push it, though. You weren't some quick fuck. Your lives were entwined forever. He wouldn't fuck this up.

You smiled into the kiss. "I'm really glad we can do that now."

"Me too, sweetheart."

He had his hand on your belly, as he usually did when you were near each other. The baby started rolling and kicking a bunch. He smiled so wide and leaned down to talk to her.

"You like that daddy gets to kiss mummy too? Is my little princess saying hello?"

It wasn't uncommon for him to talk to your belly. He was so affectionate anyway, and he didn't shy away from wanting to connect with her. This time, you could do what you'd wanted to do for months. So, you rested your hand on the back of his head and played with his curls as he talked to your daughter.

He turned his head slightly and smiled up at you. He liked you touching him. He wasn't normally nearly as affectionate as he'd been with you, although you didn't know that. He just couldn't keep himself from wanting to hug you and have you in his arms.

The two of you spent the rest of the evening talking. And kissing. There was a lot of kissing. You had months of waiting to make up for. You didn't discuss it, but you both knew sex wasn't going to happen right away. Which is funny considering sex is what got you here. But, you wanted to build a real relationship with him.

"You know, I'm going to call you my girlfriend, right? I mean, I can't really talk about you specifically, but I get asked sometimes in interviews, and I don't want you to think I'm trying to hide you."

"Am I?"

"My girlfriend? I want you to be. I really want to be with you."

"I really want that too."

He kissed you again, before you settled against him and talked for awhile longer.