Shift ☆ Louis Partridge

21 | Till Forever Falls Apart

please listen to the song linked above!

and remember, you are loved no matter what <3 x

☆

[y/n]

_

WHEN I THINK ABOUT WINNING, NOTHING COMES TO MIND.

At least not until now. I'd spent most of my memorable years being compared to others around me, called taunting names, and hearing rumors spread around like sick wildfire. They were burned into me, and I never thought winning was something I could achieve.

Maybe I was just missing him.

It would be true to say my life has become better since Louis walked into it, but it doesn't take away from my own self worth. It adds to it in fact; the thought that someone could love me as I am. Louis, especially.

So standing in the crowd, cheers from my friends and strangers surrounding the museum, I was in shock—were they cheering for me? Me? The 'spinster', the 'unloved', the 'never been kissed'? The names I had worn like a shadow were finally thrust into the light, and I was bathed in happiness.

"You won!" Louis yelled, nearly tackling me to the ground with his hug, "darling, you won!"

I did.

I stayed in this dreamy haze of shock, barely able to mutter words as I was passed a check for 10 thousand pounds, almost dizzy as I was pushed around the museum to meet benefactors and sponsors, and as I was dragged halfway across London to dine at a restaurant I would never be able to afford.

"I am so proud of your daughter," I overheard Louis say to my mother, "she's a remarkable person, and she deserved this award."

Winning over my mother wasn't an easy task, but somehow the boy did it. All he had to do was swoop in during the afterparty, say a few charming words, and I could sense the wheels turning in my mom's mind (knowing her, she'd probably ask me when the wedding was, to which I'd say "mom, seriously?").

And looking back on it now, I should have paid more attention.

Or at least kept my mouth shut.

The gathering of my friends and family, all celebrating my win, lasted for what felt like hours, and I ended up falling asleep at one point. Dreams were never something I remembered while shifting, so the next thing I knew, I was waking up with my head resting against Louis' shoulder.

But I remember everything that happened, and I regret it all.

The day I won was the day I lost everything.

"Sleepy, hm?" Louis smiled, bopping the tip of my nose with his finger, "you passed out an hour ago."

I nuzzled my head into the crook of his neck. "It's late."

"I think it's time to get you home then, Tewks,"

Drowsy with exhaustion, I mumbled my next words without so much as a thought. "Yeah, it's time to go home."

Time to go home.

I didn't even notice what I had said until I was halfway out the door, my hand clasped in Louis', and my eyes half-closed with sleep. But when I did, it hit me in the back like the blade of a knife.

Time to go home.

The safe words.

"Oh my God," I said, my heart leaping into my throat, "no, no, no, no, please, no."

And then the glass that surrounded my heart started to crack, and the home I found in this reality started to disintegrate into a painful shade of white. It was fading away. Everything was. Clouding my vision slowly as I felt my body start to wake up.

"Louis," I panicked, gripping his hand, "no, no, Louis, please."

I don't know what I was asking him to do—he couldn't save me now—nor could he save us. Words, words, words, the idol of truth, but the bringer of pain. I should have watched what I said. I should have just woken up and not let myself run unfiltered.

He knew what was happening. In the time we spent creating our forever, I answered any questions he had about the shift. We thought it didn't matter. We thought it was something to laugh about as we lived in a world that we created for us—for our forever.

But our forever is falling apart.

"Can you reverse it?" He said, his voice breaking as his grip tightened around my hands. It was almost as if he was trying to tie me down; to keep me with him. "Tewks, tell me, can you take back what you said?"

I can't, I can't, I can't.

The fog was seeping it's way towards the center of my gaze, about to seal my view of the boy I loved forever. I placed my hands against his face, feeling my face burn with tears that never had a chance to be shed.

We were supposed to have forever.

We promised.

"I'm sorry," I said, feeling a tear start to form in my eyes, "I'm so sorry, Lou, I'm so sorry."

"No, you have to stay," he said, pulling me into a tight hug, "you promised you'd stay."

And suddenly all I could see was white. I could feel my hands against his face, clinging onto the sense of touching him with everything I had, but I couldn't see his face anymore. This was the last time I'd ever be able to hold him. To know he would hold me back, and to know he'd know I existed.

"Stay with me," he whispered, pressing his forehead against mine, "stay with me, darling."

"I-I can't see you anymore," I cried, trying to wash away the clouds covering my eyes, "I don't have much time."

"Tewks, no, please."

"Lou..."

"I'll find you, I promise," he said softly, although his voice was already shaking, "I'll look for you and I won't stop until I can find you again. "

"You might forget me again..."

"I won't."

"You can't know that."

"Then I swear it," he said, "pinky promise."

I knew he was holding up his hand, but I couldn't see where it was in the bright haven I was slowly disappearing into. I stumbled around, finally feeling where his finger was extended, latching onto it tighter than before.

"Promise?" I whispered.

"Promise," he said, "I love you."

And in that moment the galaxy we created broke. The stars shattered from the sky, the world went silent, and the sun became nothing more than a dying light. Let me lie among the stars, he said, for without your love, I fear I'll drift hopelessly in space. But now we were drifting apart.

Yet I stood there, seconds from the end, our fingers linked together as we made our last and final promise. We broke most of them, but that wasn't the point. We made promises because we made memories, and to swear our lives to each other meant more than anything else.

So, I opened my mouth to tell him the words I knew he deserved to hear.

"Louis, I love—"

You.

But suddenly I was back in my room, back in my bed, and back in my reality, staring at dark walls that matched the sudden hole in my heart.

And he was gone.