"Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing..."
Proverbs 18:22
I have thought about it many times – about how I'd meet the one.
Whenever I think about it, I imagine it would be a fun and memorable experience, or at least I hope it would be.
All my experiences with women have helped me better understand myself and in so doing, realise precisely what kind of person I want to end up with; it came to me one morning as I was on my way to church – I summed it up nicely in my head the things that are most important to me, you know, the must haves. It didn't come as a surprise to me that the things on top of the list weren't related to physique or appearance; they were more...intrinsic things, those super rare qualities.
Must haves.
On top of the list is exposure – I'd struggle to relate with anyone who doesn't have this in abundance – this can come from her upbringing, where she's lived, where she's been, what she reads and all that stuff.
Classy – she's gotta have class. Period – but then class is neither here nor there right? I mean it's more of a spectrum than something discrete, like how do you objectively say someone has or doesn't have class? See I don't know, all I know is that I'd know if she has it.
Next is Smart – I could never trade this for anything; it's not so much what she studied in college or her career, it's the sort of smarts that comes with reading lots of stuff and simply having a high IQ. She simply has to have the habit of picking up books and finishing them.
God – I didn't put this first because while I think it's more important than the first three, I think a lot of people in Nigeria have this erroneous notion that even if there's a mismatch or lots of incompatibilities regarding the other important things, that somehow believing in God will mask over that and everything will be fine – well everything will not be fine, I can assure you.
Look guys, God doesn't make silly trade-offs, he won't give you good things and say "But you'd have to die by 35" or "she'll annoy you every day". If you really listen to him, he'll give you someone great, for you. Sure there'll be fights, heated arguments about how to spend money, irritations, tough periods, and all that, plus the devil will do what he does, but if she's God sent, you guys will be fine, and you'd love her in ways you won't even understand. Yeah, I know I'm preaching but I believe it's true.
A pretty face – I've established a correlation between my likelihood to not cheat and this; so it's quite important. Like she doesn't have to be I-get-long-stares-by-everyone-I-pass-by fine, she just has to be...fine.
Last is spoken English – Let's just say if I speak better English than her, there's no point; also, no shorthand when messaging, no 'aiit' or 'kul', Lord no.
More stuff I can't overlook
I. Pronouncing 'yes' and 'yeth';
II. Eating rice with a spoon – I first observed this when I moved to Nigeria 19 years ago, it seemed odd and still seems odd to me – I mean the proper utensil for eating rice has and will always be a fork, I'm not a stickler for eating etiquette or anything like that but some things are just...basic.
III. Not being able to say Please, Thank you and I'm sorry.
IV. Pouring milk into a bowl before cereal – this would be fine, if you're a cat.
V. Not having the humility or sense to admit when you're wrong, take the 'L' and stop talking or arguing – personally I find it easy to do this.
