"The past is history, the future is a mystery, the present is a gift...that's why they call it the present"
Moments – Big Sean ft. Jhene Aiko
Those first 10 days or so with Jay certainly felt like a present while I was living them and the future was a mystery – right now those days were history, the future was still a mystery except the present felt like anything but a present.
A rush of blood to the head.
My hands were shaking, and *maybe I'm exaggerating a bit here* but even though Fred (remember Fred from chapter 3?) had the windows down and he was driving quite fast on probably the freest of all the free Abuja roads, I could swear there was cold sweat on my face. I don't know why I felt that way, I wanted her to be happy and she was, so why was I mad – I was just sad that I might not see her again (even though there was a slim chance I might...all I needed to know was if I'd be back from 3 weeks camp before she'd leave for the US); but for some reason I didn't calm down and ask.
I got a rush of blood to the head – I kept typing all manner of mean things to her...yelling and cursing, whining and fussing. All of a sudden it occurred to me that the Jay that I was so loco about wasn't all that perfect and I started nit-picking out things...like her forehead is probably a half-inch off from perfect (not like it's Tyra Banks or Rihanna big, it just wasn't...perfect) and that her butt could really be bigger or that I could swear I had seen 'cos' and 'becos' in one of her messages – I don't know...I just felt played, you know – but I was still drunk on her Kool-Aid (okay maybe I was only tipsy at that point...her effect had waned significantly...or so I thought, I had no idea what was coming).
"What kind of person are you? Why can't you just be happy for me...God granted my heart's desire and I can't believe that you of all people are acting like this...you are selfish, I can't believe I opened up to you like that" read a message she sent at some point.
Me I just dey vex (I was just angry) – In hindsight I think all I wanted was for her to hug me – I wanted to see and hold her that night, but I was being a whiny bitch about it and venting for no reason at all. Something in my head kept telling me (in pidgin) to calm down before I said something from which there will be no coming back – but I just couldn't stop.
The plan that night was for me to briefly visit one aunt and stay over at another's – Fred was taking me to the first aunt's house where both aunts were waiting for me and then I'd leave with the other aunt to stay at her place – let's call the first aunt Tola and the second Kemi.
I got to Aunt Tola's house where she and Aunt Kemi were busy catching up on different things; they both lived in Abuja (though technically Aunt Kemi lived in Mararaba, which straddles Abuja and Nasarawa) but hadn't seen each other in a bit. Aunt Tola got her help to make me dinner but I barely touched it...I could think of only one thing at the time. Probably an hour later I left Aunt Tola's with Aunt Kemi – I had to put on a smile so she won't think it had anything to do with her (she was already doing a lot by picking me up from Aunt Tola's and letting me stay at hers, the last thing I wanted to do was give her the impression that I was displeased and ungrateful); we picked up a few groceries and we got to her place...all I wanted was to sleep and get to the next day with the hope that I'd feel better.
So, it appears I know six not five girl who never message with shorthand – about an hour ago this evening I'm talking to my Mom and youngest sister about stuff and at some point, in line with the discussion, my sister says "I really don't like it when people type things like 'cos' and 'u'...it just annoys me..." I stood up, laughed and gave her thumbs up and told her I'm proud of her – So that makes six, Ada, Jay, O, Kelly, Lisa and my sister. Jay you know, I mentioned Ada once or twice, later I'll talk a bit about O, Kelly and Lisa. *These are all aliases I'm using for the sake of this story*
