a bouquet of stars

a lost swimmer

i always liked swimming.
i learned to swim at a very young age.
i did it all the time.

it was like an escape.
when the cold water starts touching your body
and you have to move fast so you don't freeze.
when you put your head under the water
and suddenly
all the noises are a little less loud.
the movements of your body become slower
and it even kinda feels like you're flying in space.

like you have to fight and keep pushing
so you don't drown.
like you're alone with your mind.

i was good at that.
it seemed like i never really had a problem with "keep pushing".

and then suddenly it felt like i forgot how to swim.
like i never knew how to do it at all.
but not in water
in my thoughts.

all these years of swimming became helpless.
and even as one of the best swimmers
here i sat.

killed,drowned.
                                -a.m