Questions Young People Ask By Bruce & Carol Britten

Chapter 3 Must I leave my parents?

"A man leaves his father and mother, is united to his wife, and they become one flesh."
(Genesis 2:24)

In chapter one and two looked at the part of this verses which says that man "is united to his wife.

In this chapter we will go on to the part which says, "A man leaves his father and mother."

Leaving parents is difficult! So, why do it? Because God says: A man leaves his parents so that he can united to his wife.

To "leave" parents means three things:

1. "Leave" means: Discuss it with each other first.

One evening Simon told his wife, "Today Standard Bank offered me job. You know I love my teaching job, but the bank would pay more. What do you think?"

His wife replied, " As a teacher, you have opportunities to help students to become Christians. I think you should continue teaching. The extra money you would get from the bank is not that important."

"I love your attitude," Simon said sincerely. "Christ is more important to you than money."

Later Simon told his father and mother about the job offer. "My son," his father said with a deep emotion, "you don't know how thankful we are for the help you give us each month. Don't change jobs just to get more money."

Simon did well to discuss this matter with his wife first. This shows that he has left his parents, and he is united to his wife.

2. "Leaves" means: She is your closest relative.

When a man marries, his wife becomes his closest relatove. He leaves his parents so that he can be one with her. Because he and his wife are one, when he dies, his money and property should remain with his wife (widow).

In the Bible, when Elimelech died his property remained with Naomi, his wife. Later Naomi offered to sell it to the bother of her late husband.(Ruth 4:3)

This shows that a man's closest relative really is his wife. He is closer to her than to his own brother.

Therefore, the strongest bond on earth is the husband-wife bond. That bond is even stronger than any blood-relative bond.(Matthew 19:4-6)

So, each husband should have the attitude, "I love my parents, brothers and other blood-relatives, but my closest relative is ny wife. She and I are one. When I die, she will inherit our property." [See page 115.]

3. "Leave" means: Have your own home.

Of course, "leave" also means that a man leaves the home of his parents. Then, he and his wife build their own home. Why does he leave? So that he can be united to his wife. (Gen. 2:24)

Does this mean that when young people get married, they should stop loving and helping their parents? No! The Bible commands children to care for their parents.

If a widow has children or grandchildren, they should show their faith by caring for her. . . .

Anyone who does not care for his own family (especially his close relatives) is worse than an unbeliever. (1 Timothy 5:4 and 8)

So, we see that after the Bible tells us to leave our parents, it also tells us to care for them.

How can that be done? How can a man leave his parents. . . be united to his wife. . . and still care for his parents? _________________

Caleb said to his wife, "Since my mother is old and stayingbalone, please go and stay with her for some weeks until we think of a plan."

His wife went, but after just one week Caleb heard that his mother was quarreling with his wife. "She's lazy," the mother kept saying.

The situation grew worse until Caleb took his wife back to stay with him. Then his younger brother complained, "Now who will care for Mother?"

Caleb didn't know what to do. Then, the answer came! It came one day as he was sitting and talking with his good friend, Ben.

"My brother is criticizing me," Caleb told Ben. "It all started when I made the mistake of taking my wife away from my parents' home."

"That was no mistake," Ben said confidently. In fact, you never should have sent your wife to stay with your mother. Why? The Bible tells us: A man leaves his parents and is joined to his wife."

"But," Caleb objected, "how else can I help my mother?"

"I'm sure you can think of variois ways," Ben said. "For example, both you and your wife can spend some weekends helping your mother. . .bringing her food. . .repairing her house. . . ."

"That may work for a while," admitted Caleb. "But soon my mother will be too old to cook for herself. Then what?"

Then you can bring your mother to stay with you and your wife here in town. . . ."

"Wait!" Caleb interrupted. "If Mother stays with my wife and me, isn't that the same as my wife staying with Mother? Either way, the two women are in the same house."

"No, it's not the same." answered Ben. "If your mother stays in your home, both you and your wife can help her and love her. Then I think your mother will be telling herself, 'Just look what kindness they show me! This not my home, but they have welcomed me warmly. I must not try to control my son and daughter in-law. I must show them how thankful I am."

Caleb was quiet for a while. When he finally spoke, his voice is softer. "You know, Ben, as I listen to you, I'm beginning to see that the first change I need to make s this: I must begin to love my wife. Since our wedding day I've been treating her as a servant- not as a friend. Maybe that's the reason she doesn't like it when I'm kind to my mother. I must show my wife that I have left my parent's home because I want to be joined to her."

That's it," Ben said, as he put his arm around Caleb's shoulder. "When you begin showing love to your wife, she will feel so much better. . . and then the two of you (together) will be able to find the best ways of helping your mother."

God's plan is best, but it's not easy! It's not easy for man to "leave his parents and be united to his wife." (Genesis 2:24)

And it's not easy to find ways to care for our relatives. (1 Timothy 5:8)

The key is 'United love' between husband and wife, and 'caring, sharing love' for parents/relatives.

All young people need to realise, "If I marry, I must leave my parents, be united to my marriage partner; and then together we must find ways to care for our parents."