Cyber Love ~Johnny Silverhand X Reader~

7

~A month later~

I sat on my couch cross-legged, I stared at one of the many scars on my arm, Johnny had been acting different around me since the day he found me. My door opened, I knew who it was since he never knocked. "You okay?" he asked as I looked at him, I gave him a nod which we both knew was a lie but I knew he wasn't going to press me. I'll open up to him about what happened whenever I'm ready. "Okay..." he spoke as he flopped down beside me and lay his head on my lap. "Long day?" I asked as he groaned, "Scavvers kidnapped another woman." he told me as I ran my fingers through his raven locks. I raked my nails across his scalp my accident which caused him to groan, "please don't do that again doll" he spoke as I cocked my head to the side, he let out a sigh, "it's a turn on...fuck...anytime someone runs their fingers through my hair I get turned on" he told me as I blinked a few times, "don't worry, I won't let anyone else but you turn me on" he spoke with a wink as I remained silent, "Hey, where's your head?" he asked softly as he sat up and looked at me.

"They ruined me..." I whispered as he cocked his head to the side, "I-I was saving myself for someone I loved and knew was going to be in my life for more than a booty call...but they took that from me" I whispered, I watched as his clenched his fists, he knew what I was talking about now. "Now, I don't feel so bad about killing them all..." he spoke as I looked at him. Tears welled up in the corners of my eyes, "I-I wanted you to be my first...b-but that's never going to happen now" I sobbed, he blinked a few times and wrapped his arms around me as I cried into his chest. "It's all right, doll" he whispered as he pets me softly, "no it's not. How could you want someone who has been used like that?" I sobbed as he pulled away, he placed a finger under my chin and I looked at him. "Don't ever think that Y/n..." he whispered as he leaned down to kiss me, I quickly looked away, "I've gotta go see Misty, she's got some sleeping meds and some anti-depressants that will apparently keep me from having PTSD attack" I whispered as he sighed, "Want me to drive you?" he asked as I shook my head, "I'll take the metro" I told him as I got up, I slid on my shoes, his old jacket and then we left. He headed to his apartment as I left for Misty's.

~Time skip~

I lay on my bed listening to music and smoking a cigarette, I had finally run out of anti-depressants, I had locked my apartment door and refused to leave. Even Johnny couldn't get in. I knew he was worried about me from the way he'd bang on my apartment door and practically beg me to open up to let him in. My blinds stayed close, and the apartment itself was a mess. Much like me, I hadn't showered in a week, I had dark bags under my eyes, evidence of lack of sleep, and I reeked of alcohol and cigarettes. I stared at the ceiling as Johnny started his normal routine which was banging on my door. "Y/n! C'mon! Let me the fuck in!" he spoke as I remained quiet, "I need to know you're okay!" he shouted as I threw a bottle at the door, the bottle shattering upon impact, "okay, that's a start" I heard him mumble as I got up, I walked over to the radio and turned on the loudest thing I could think of which was his band. I cranked the volume all the way up as I made my way to the fridge where more alcohol remained. I grabbed my bottle of vodka, opened it, and took a large drink of it. I could feel it working, so I took another large drink of it. That's when the door opened. "Thank fucking god I got that implant...why didn't I think about that last week when she started this shit?" Johnny mumbled as he walked over to me, "get the fuck out Johnny, I'm in no mood to entertain" I spoke as he looked around, "whoa...this place is messier than my dressing room was" he spoke as I rolled my eyes and put out my cigarette.

"What is going on with you Y/n?" he asked as I growled, "how about we start with the fact that I was kidnapped, raped repeatedly, and beaten! Or here's my personal favorite! I tell the man I love that I love him and he acts as if nothing has fucking changed because he's an egotistical, self-absorbed, dick wipe who doesn't fucking care about anyone else but his own damn self!" I shouted as he stares at me in shock. "And then, on top of that he fucking flirts with me! Without ever really fucking doing anything. I mean Jesus fucking christ Johnny! I'm so tired of the fucking flirting...it is practically killing me!" I told him as he continued to stare at me. "Y'know what. I'm just gonna assume you're going off on me right now because you've had no sleep, haven't showered, and drunk" he told me as I groaned. I drunkenly placed the bottle on the floor which caused it to fall over. Vodka was now soaking the carpet under my feet. "Go. Fuck yourself" I said as I went to poke him in the chest, I stumbled towards him, he caught me in his arms. "You're fucking hopeless..." he mumbled as he helped me to the shower. He turned on the shower and helped me undress since I was drunk and couldn't even stand. "You're lucky I've already seen you naked...back around the first time we met" he spoke as I sat on the floor of the shower. He then started to wash my body, if I was sober, I  would be blushing, but I drunk, depressed, and pissed off at him and the whole world. "Here..." he removed his shirt after he helped me out of the shower, and dried me off. "Arms up" he whispered as I raised my arms, he slid the tank top sleeves through my arms and then slid the head hole over my head. He pulled his tank top down my body, it stopped in the middle of my thighs. "Let's get you to bed" he whispered as he hooked his arms under my knees and lifted me. I placed my head against his chest. 

I was crying now, he lays me on the bed, "what's wrong, doll?" he asked softly as I continued to cry, "why don't you love me?" I asked as he grew quiet. He then chuckled softly, as I fell asleep. "I never said I didn't love you" he whispered as I fell into a deep sleep. I woke up the next morning to a pounding headache, I remembered, Johnny, coming over, me yelling and screaming at him, him putting his shirt on me and then laying me in my bed, and telling me that he never said that he didn't love me. But, anything else, I don't remember. I looked over at the couch and saw he was fast asleep with a vacuum cleaner beside his head as he slept on the couch. I groaned as I sat up. That was when I realized I wasn't wearing any underwear, not that I really cared. "Ah!" he jumped away slightly and then groaned as he jolted awake, he groaned slightly, placed his metallic hand on his forehead and let out a sigh. "You okay?" I asked pulling my blanket over my legs, he let out another sigh, "just some nightmares..." he whispered as he looked over at me, "what about you? Are you all right?" he asked getting up from the couch and sitting beside me on my bed. "I...don't really remember what all happened" I told him as he placed the back of his hand on my forehead, "you were drunk, depressed, and pissed at the whole world" he told me as I stared into his brown eyes, "I'm sorry for whatever I said" I whispered as he hugged me tightly, "don't go a really long time without fucking talking to me. I was so worried about you" he mumbled as I returned the embrace. He pulled away, placed his forehead against mine and locked his lips with mine. I was in shock at first but returned the kiss. "I never said I didn't love you Y/n" he whispered when he pulled away.