𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐢𝐜𝐞 - 𝐬𝐮𝐚𝐲𝐞𝐨𝐧

(twenty-eight)

I flop onto the Princess' bed when we arrive back at the palace. "Sorry about all the creepy comments my mom made," I mumble.

She laughs and lies down next to me. "It's sweet that she wants you to find someone to love. I just wish she wouldn't talk about love potions and all while she's cooking for us. Makes me think she's going to poison us." She chuckles at her own joke and holds out a hand. I take her hand and sigh. I wish we could just be like this, but as soon as I leave this room Princess Siyeon has to act like she hates me.

We can't have a repeat of the last major incident, of course, but now the Princess is also aware of the rumours that circulate among the staff. It seems she's more worried I'll be ridiculed than beaten again. Despite my reassuring her that I don't care how others view our friendship, the Princess has become incredibly insecure about letting me be seen with her. I'm not sure if it's for her sake or mine, but I know it's going to be lonely.

"My mother is coming home today," she grumbles, "And she's still pissed at us both." She rolls onto her stomach and flings an arm around my waist. "How am I supposed to pretend I hate you?" She whines. She pulls me even closer and I wrap my arms around her in return, enjoying her presence while I have her like this.

I've been thinking a lot about what mama said. That maybe I like the Princess. I think I might, which honestly terrifies me. First of all, she's the Princess, and second of all, she's my best friend. Perhaps most importantly, her mother hates the idea of her daughter being with someone like me. Letting myself like her means risking everything. So I won't let myself have a definitive idea of what exactly I feel for her. Identifying it firmly makes it too real. So I won't make it real by saying it. I'll focus on what is real, like Princess Siyeon's silky hair between my fingers or her steady breathing or the heat she radiates.

"The sun's coming up soon," I whisper, "I should go get ready. I'll be back soon." I squeeze her hand and sit up. She tugs on my hand slightly and I turn back to look at her. She's pouting.

She whines, "I don't want to be mean to you today. I promise I'll make it up to you. I'll be the nicest I've ever been!" I chuckle and pat her head, once again assuring her that I'll be back soon. She sighs and rolls over in bed to the place I just was, mumbling something about being cold without me. I run back to my room and get dressed as quickly as I can. As I'm buttoning my shirt, I hear the door open behind me.

"Princess, I told you I'd be back in just a minute once I got dressed," I say.

"Um, it's not... the Princess."

I spin around, embarrassed, and find Seungwan standing in the doorway. I feel bad I never showed up for our date, but I've since told her I'm sorry for it. She said she was okay, but I still felt bad for getting her hopes up. She apologises for coming in so suddenly and informs me that the Queen has just returned and wants to see me. I follow her down the stairs and into the throne room.

I bow to the Queen as I walk inside. "I'll keep this short, Ms. Kim," she says, "You always help Siyeon get ready, right?" She doesn't give me a chance to answer since she already knows what I would've said. "Make her very pretty. Prettier than you've ever made her before. Siyeon has an important guest and she needs to make a good first impression. Can you handle that?"

"Yes, your majesty." She dismisses me with a wave of her hand and I walk quietly out of the throne room. As soon as I'm out of her sight, I start running back to the Princess' room.

Momentarily forgetting my manners, I enter without knocking. The Princess doesn't seem bothered, simply outstretches her arms and waits for me to fall into her embrace. Once I do, she softly strokes my back and asks me how I'm doing. I inform her that her mother is home and that I'm supposed to prepare her for some unknown guest.

She sighs and hugs me tighter. I reciprocate the gesture, knowing she needs it. "I'm so much happier when she's not around," the Princess mumbles, "I don't want to meet this person."

"The sooner we get it over with, the sooner we can do something fun. Whatever it is, I promise I'll take your mind off it after," I reassure her. "Now let's get you ready so we can meet this person and bail as soon as possible." She giggles and nods, letting go of me to run herself a bath. I joke that that's my job, and she tells me she doesn't mind.

I help the Princess as normal, bathing her and washing her hair before choosing her outfit. She seems tense when I walk into the bathroom with a dress for her. It's the same dress she wore at the wedding – intricate with layers of tulle and satin beneath the maroon silk outer layer and its matching corset top. She smiles when she sees it, but I can tell something's bothering her. So I set the dress down and stand in front of her, my hands on her waist as I quietly ask her what's wrong.

She lets out a shaky breath. "I just have a bad feeling about today," she admits. She smiles softly as she places her hands on my hips as I still hold her waist. It's almost like dancing together at the wedding again, only far stranger and far more intimate. Speaking of the wedding, I need to get Princess Siyeon into this dress. I flash her a smile as I let go to grab the dress for her. She drops her towel and gets her undergarments on as I try to remember how to loosen this dress enough for her to get inside it. Eventually I figure it out, and I help the Princess step inside, relacing the top and trying not to tighten it too much.

Now for hair and makeup. Usually I don't do makeup for the Princess; she doesn't need it. She's stunning with or without it, but I think I find her prettier with no makeup on, in the middle of the night when she's the most like herself. I know we'll be spending a lot of nights like that together in the near future – nights where we huddle together beneath the blankets having hushed conversations and laughing at the absurdity of the fact that we have to be so secretive about our friendship. I try to push away the thoughts. I can't stand here and gawk at the Princess' beauty all day.

I dry her hair halfway and put rollers in to curl it. Then I move on to her makeup. Her face structure really requires very little. She needs no contouring and I use the makeup sparingly to emphasise some of my favourite features of hers. Her eyes are first. I make them sparkly and try to bring out the colour of her eyes. Eyeliner isn't necessary, but damn does it look good on her. So I do it. Next I ask her to smile, and apply a bit of blush on the apples of her cheeks. Finally, the part I've been dreading the most: her lips.

She asks if I'm alright and only then do I realise I had frozen for a moment with lipstick in a shaky hand, just staring at her. She has a full lower lip and a well defined cupid's bow, and I try to steady my hand enough to show off both of them in the deep red lipstick I chose for her. I finally respond, "I'm fine. Just nervous."

"I'm really nervous about today, too," she says, "But we'll be okay! You did what you were asked, you made me pretty. I know you don't need it, but let me do it for you, too." She grabs the lipstick from my hand and takes a step forward, slightly pressing me against the counter behind me.

Normally I'd be terrified by this; I'd likely feel trapped. But now I'm just terrified because the Princess is so close, and she softly runs her thumb over my lip before she begins applying lipstick. I pray she couldn't hear my heart jump at the action.

Her stare is intense, her movements steady.

I wonder if her heart begins to tremble when she sees me the way mine does when I see her. If she feels as safe with me as I do with her. If her mouth goes dry and her hands go numb when I hold her. If she sees the world differently now. Because that's what she does to me.

"Damn, this looks good on you." She stands back and admires her work. "Every pretty girl in the kingdom is gonna want to kiss you, Kim Bora."

I laugh, but I'm not happy.

Because I don't want every pretty girl in the kingdom. Only one.