The Lies That Cover The Truth [Oumasai/Saiouma]

Conversation

The night was cold, almost colder than how I felt. The melancholy, the fear, the sadness that comes with contention with others. Granted, Kaede was drunk and she was thinking irrationally and will probably regret it when she comes back to being sober...but I can't wrap my head around what just happened.

I told Kaede that me and Kokichi are together. I didn't expect her to act so unlike herself when I told her. She seemed so angry like I was the one who was ruining her life. She looked at me as if everything I did was something that she despised. Such as if I was roadkill on the side of the road that she was forced to look at. It was unnerving and terrifying.

I heard the door slam after we both made our way in. This abrupt sound cleared my thoughts for a small moment before I looked over at Kokichi. He was tense, I could tell by the way his hands balled into fists, and the way his shoulders were slightly raised. I wanted to go over to him and tell him it was going to be okay...but...I was so depressed and so guilty about the whole situation with Kaede that I couldn't even bear the thought of moving towards him. It hurt me.

"K...Kokichi?" I asked, feeling my voice tremble. Was he going to hurt me? Was he so mad that he hates me? What have I done...?

He didn't say anything as the moment continued, I didn't know what to say to him or what to think, he just seemed untouchable. I know he probably wanted comfort but I couldn't bring myself to give it to him. I wanted so much at this moment, to be able to help him feel better about the situation. But...the whole room felt so tense, so unsafe, scary even. I didn't even want to be in the room at all.

"Ah...Shuichi." Kokichi said, turning to face me. I could see his eyes were tired...I didn't know he lost sleep over this. I expected him to be more well-rested I guess. I am the one who is tired most of the time and has trouble sleeping...but. Maybe we have both been having trouble, he is just able to hide it better.

"Yes?" I felt tears threatening to fall as my lip quivered. I felt so sad, so scared, so guilty for something that was done to me, not something I did to someone else. "Sorry, I can tell you're on edge," He slowly moved over to rest his head against my shoulder. I was a bit confused but quickly moved my arms around him to hold him close to me. It made the invisible weight from the anxiety and stress of the situation lighter and almost nonexistent.

"Know I am not mad at you...I would never be...my thoughts are just all over the place right now." He said quietly making sure to hide his face from me. I felt a little nervous that he was hiding his face...because that usually means that he isn't feeling well. I'm sure he is angry with Kaede for violating me the way she did...and I don't blame him.

If Kaede or anyone else for that matter went up to Kokichi and yelled at him before forcing him to kiss them...I would feel so angry. Useless and scared...like I wasn't able to protect them when they needed me to be there for them. I assume he feels the same way...but I can't say for certain unless he tells me.

"I'm so sorry Kokichi." I apologized, not because I hurt him in any way...but because of the way my actions agitated Kaede to pull that stunt that she did earlier which ended up causing Kokichi pain. "..." He was silent for a moment and I tried to move back a bit to be able to see his face, but he held his head down and wouldn't budge when I tried to gently guide his head so he could look me in the eyes.

"YOU'RE SORRY?!" He yelled pushing me back. I fell a bit but was able to catch myself before falling to the ground. "K-Kokichi?" I asked as calmly as I could trying to keep my emotions under control so he would be able to get these feelings out without feeling worried about my feelings.

"SORRY FOR WHAT? KAEDE HARASSING YOU? SORRY BECAUSE YOU WERE HURT TO WHERE YOU STARTED CRYING?!" He yelled again pulling his hair a bit. I felt bad...but I could see why he was mad. He was right...I was apologizing for something I didn't do. This is Kaede who did this to me...I didn't do anything hurtful to her. Sure I was telling her that I would never be with her in that way...and she decided to react the way she did.

Usually, she was so kind and composed a good friend. But after what happened a little while ago...I don't even think I can call her a friend to me anymore. Just as Rantaro stated at the party before we left Kaede in the kitchen alone.

. . .

"He doesn't love you--see you...you made him cry," Rantaro said before I realized that tears were running down my cheeks. Why am I crying?

"You know what Kaede, usually I would be tolerant of these things because you are a friend...were friends, but this is too far, see you later," Rantaro said leaving Kaede to have a tantrum on the floor. Some of her other friends came into the room to comfort her as Rantaro walked over to me pulling me out of the room.

. . .

I respect Rantaro for always being there when you don't expect it in the way you need him to be there for you. Kaede...I thought the same for her, but now that I think about it...she was friends with some of the upperclassmen and they always said that Kaede would be so much better if she had me by her side...which is why I believe she was saying the things she said to me. Such as, 'You should be in love with me' 'You're supposed to love me' over and over again these words circled my mind. Did Kaede really mean that? Are they possibly the ones that made her start obsessing over me?

I think that could be the case...I was put back into the present moment when I heard Kokichi break down into tears and fall to the floor. I was immediately concerned and moved over to him to hold him close to me and make sure he knew he wasn't alone.

"How could she...why would she..." He stated sounding disoriented and overall upset. I understood this and decided that it would be best to have this conversation when he was feeling better with some sleep. "Koki...let's get some rest, I'm right here," I whispered as he slumped against me. I could tell this was his own little tantrum, but unlike Kaede, he didn't hurt or harm anyone else...he just let the feelings he had out.

"Okay." He said silently already leaning against me falling asleep. I blushed a bit before I kissed his forehead. "Get some rest Kokichi."

-This is the first part that I decided to record my writing process! A video should be up soon! Thank you all so much for reading!-

-SK-