Survival

Free

I caught the train to the bar where Lily worked. I was a mess. Cason would be coming home tomorrow morning and i couldn't wait to see him, but mommy was tired and hurt. Im not a drinker, but I've become one within these past few months just to take the edge off.

I still had the gun in my purse. I held onto it tightly, as if people could see it through my bag. I walked into the bar, the bell making nose as the door opened and shut.

"Hey girl!" Lily said excitedly.

"Hey Lil" I lowly said.

"Oh boo, you need a drink. Come! Take a seat, you know I got ya babygirl" she winked at me, making a drink in her mixer. Passing it to me when she was done.

I gulped it down. Finishing it in two seconds. She stared wide eyed.

"Is it one of those nights?" She asked.

"It's always one of those nights...another please" I asked.

"Ok but im leaving in 20 min...family thing. I don't want you drinking after I leave, okay?" She pleaded.

"Sure" I said but I knew I was lying. She half smiled, I think she knew I was lying too.

2 hours had gone by and I was in the same bar stool. The sound of other's conversations were in the background as i threw the shot to the back of my throat. This had to be my 8th. Im really not sure. My tolerance was higher and I didn't feel as drunk as I used to. The bartender was now a guy and he didn't talk much. He handed me my change back and served me another drink. I went to grab the liquor but a hand pushed it back to the bartender.

I looked up, annoyed. "Excuse me. That was mine." I slurred a bit. Trying to focus in on who had the audacity.

"Yo come get this drink. She's done for the night" Rio's buttery voice rang in my ears.

"Sorry boss" the bartender took the drink and poured it down the sink.

I rolled my eyes.

"Let's go" he demanded.

"No. I don't work for you remember." I spat.

"I said get up and let's go. Now." He grabbed my arm pulling me up and out of the chair, exiting the bar.

He walked us over to his truck. "Get in, im taking you home" he ordered.

I crossed my arms. "You know you have a lot of nerve." He stared at me knowing what I was about to say. "You have been ignoring me for a week! and then when I try to make things right you treat me like shit. How could you say what you said? I trusted you and you hurt me. For what! Hm? For what! You're no fucking different than Nick. You just use your words instead of your hands."

He stepped close to me fast, closing the gap between us "Don't you ever fucking tell me that im anything like that piece of shit. Ever. I told you this was going to get like this if you didn't separate this job from home"

I scoffed "separate work from home? You're the one who likes to pop up on me whenever you feel like and get mad when I have bruises on me. It was none of your business and you shouldn't have checked on me! I told you i needed to escape! I told you and you've been using it against me ever since" I yelled frustrated. I continued. "You always say you don't care. You say that me and you aren't a thing, but you give me mixed signals. You can't just-just look at me the way you do. Touch me gently like you do and get mad at me for wanting more. I feel safe around you. I want to talk to you and see you every day and I don't know why i feel this way about someone. Im confused okay! Sorry if I thought you gave a shit about me."

He stared at me for a while, wanting to say something but nothing came out. He rubbed the back of his neck.

"Just...just get in the car." He said opening the door for me. I put my head down, embarrassed that I just spilled all of that out. I was drunk and I said more than I needed to. I groaned putting my seatbelt on. I hope to forget about this in the morning.