Something to Remember - trixya

Letter

1966

It was the first time that she was at Katya's apartment but clearly, she was nervous as hell to pay any attention to the place, since their eyes were meeting timidly but tensely across the room. There was a deep silence that she was hesitant to break.

Until Katya spoke. "Let's uh- sit," she mumbled, unsure, gesturing to the couch, where Trixie joined her afterwards. The Russian this time was wearing something comfortable, different from how she had seen her before, just to be at home. There was also no trace of makeup on her face and still, she looked so beautiful. It was effortless and natural, making her heart flutter. Some things hadn't changed with the years.

"So I'm going to start," suddenly Katya took the initiative, and Trixie cursed herself for not doing it first. "You know what happened after that day?" She asked, quickly answering herself. "As you know, I got expelled. But turns out that wasn't enough for my parents so... They scolded me as you can expect, but that time, it was really rough for me. They started to control me, from what time I got out of my house until I got back, not really letting me see any of my friends. They didn't even let me go to Boston for college, so they forced me to stay in Chicago with them, and I didn't even get the chance of living on campus so... I had to go back every day to the 'prison' as I called my own home..." Now she understood why Katya had stayed, and of course, it wasn't her own choice. Trixie knew very well how much she desired to study in Boston, where the rest of Katya's family was. Back then, they had even planned on going together. "That fucking nun told them everything that day, and they looked at me with disgust and hate for ages! Just think about it, Trixie, that I didn't have any privacy, that I didn't get the chance to go to a party, or even a normal date. I only went outside to attend classes and then I had to go back to study, study and study... I didn't have a life!" The other woman explained, with an indignant look in her eyes. Knowing now what had happened to Katya, made her understand the whole situation with more clarity, and why she was still upset until this day. It was completely valid. She felt so sorry for her, even guiltier for it.

"I didn't know Katya, I'm so heartbroken for everything that I've caused..." She had to look down in shame. Bianca had warned her, there was so much that she didn't know and that was the reason why Katya had treated her in that way. But she knew that in some way she could change this situation and make it better for them from now on. "I swear I regretted those words when they came out, immediately. When Sister Mary told me that I wasn't going to go to college... And not only that, that she was going to tell my parents, I freaked out..."

"I freaked out too, and I still kept my mouth shut!" Katya commented with a slight bitter tone in her voice, her eyes showed how annoyed she was.

"I know, I know, but college was my only way out Katya! My family didn't have the money for it, and surely I didn't want to return to that house. I was studying hard to get a scholarship and I didn't want to lose it. That's why the first thing that came out from my lips was that... And still it was the worst thing I could have done. I felt pressured at that moment, not only by losing our relationship but also by not knowing what could happen to my future. Still, after all of that, I didn't get into college..."

"What?! Why?" Katya seemed intrigued by this, her eyes still suspicious.

"My grades started to get worse after you were expelled. At that point I felt so bad, so guilty every day that I was stressing out more and more. I just didn't feel like going to classes, I lost any motivation that I had. So when I graduated, not even one college gave me a scholarship. I dug my own grave at that point. So I had to go back to Wisconsin..." When she gazed at the woman beside her, she seemed to be taking in the information that she just gave her. Her gaze seemed lost, there was confusion in her eyes.