The Girl In The Dirty Shirt Liam Version

Chapter 129

Liam came home on the twenty first and looked like absolute shit.

I sighed with annoyance as he dropped his bag in the front hallway and kicked off his boots.

"What?" He asked looking at me before disappearing into the kitchen to get himself a beer.

"Hi honey, welcome home; we missed you terribly" I answered sarcastically rolling my eyes.

He didn't say anything, just sat on the other end of the couch and started flipping through channels.

"Oh no, don't worry, I wasn't in the middle of watching anything, but thanks for asking"

"Look Lyla," he sighed obviously irritated "I jus' got home, I jus' wanna sit an' drink a beer an' watch football, alright?"

I bit down on the inside of my cheek as I stood up, picking Addie up from the floor; this was baring a striking resemblance to my childhood and it was very unsettling.

I walked around the coffee table and purposely stood in front of the TV with Adeline on my hip.

"Well, when you're finished doing that,  pick up your shit; I didn't spend all day cleaning yesterday just to follow you around like your mother when you got home today; and the wife and daughter you haven't seen in a week will be upstairs when you can make time in your busy schedule to fit them in"

I carried Addie upstairs and closed the bedroom door behind me. I put her down on the bed and dug my journal out of the nightstand.

***

June 21, 1997

I don't know what Liam's problem is lately, he's been nothing but a miserable cunt, it’s reminding me a lot of Nathan and it's getting really fucking old.

I’m so guilty of replaying moments in my head
And wondering what I should have done or said
But that one was perfect with your hand resting on my back
To calm my trembling breath
Before I walked away and swore that I’d forget
But I could not forget

And who can I tell it to?
Not you, love
Not anyone
No, some things are better left
Just bottled in the bottom of my soul
Or I could write it in a song
And all the crowd will sing along
And they might wonder if its written from experience or not
From experience or not

I only dreamed of growing up throughout my childhood
But now I wish I owned the world again
And everyone I know is watching closely “Is she gonna break?
She’s resting on a hairpin trigger. Everything’s at stake.”
But I’m so guilty of wearing my heart like a scarlet gown
Sparkling in the lights for everyone to see
And this undivided audience
You know too much, you know too much
This guitar’s gone and got the best of me

And who can I tell it to?
Not you, love
Not anyone
No, some things are better left
Just bottled in the bottom of my soul
Or I could write it in a song
And all the crowd will sing along
And they might wonder if its written from experience or not

And when will this song be just a song?
Oh when will this song be just a song?
It’s just a song

I’m so guilty of replaying moment in my head
Again and again and again, love
I cannot forget

***

Liam came upstairs about an hour later and Addie was asleep on my chest; I glared at him before I looked back at the TV.

"The game can't be over" I said not paying him any attention.

"Half time"

I shrugged my eyebrows "Hmm, I thought maybe you figured out who was more important"

"Damn it c'mon, Ly!" he yelled "I just wanted-"

"Don't you dare yell at me" I whispered harshly "You haven't been here for almost a week; you promised me you would help with her when you were around and today you get home and expect me to be your maid?!"

I looked at him seriously as he stood in the doorway.

"I'm done playing housewife, Liam; I'm a mom and it's time you step up and start being a decent dad"

"The hell is that supposed t'mean?" He snapped "Y'think I ain't a good dad?"

"When you would rather come home and get drunk watching a soccer game than spend time with your daughter, yes"

"It was one fucking beer"

I nodded rubbing Addie's back as she started to stir. "Right and then another one after that and another one and another one and maybe a smoke in between the next two before doing a couple of lines"

"I just came 'ome from a tour!"

Addie stirred a little more before she started to cry.

I sat up and got to my feet glaring at Liam.

"I know; and that's your excuse when we're on tour too; 'I'm on fuckin' tour, Lyla'" I mocked him recalling a fight we'd had once.

"So what's your excuse when you're at home with your wife and daughter?" I asked "I wanna relax and 'ave a beer an' maybe a shag too" I guessed continuing my abuse.

"You're a drunk, Liam and as long as you're drunk you won't be around either one of us"

"You can't do that!" He yelled turning on his heel and following me down to the nursery.

"Oh yes I can" I laughed "And I will; and I'll leave here if I have to"

"You're gonna leave me?!" He snorted as I laid Addie in her crib.

I didn't answer just pushed him back out of the nursery and closed the door behind me.

"I ain't your father, Lyla" he continued following me downstairs. "I ain't a fuckin' drunk!"

I laughed shaking my head. "My dad wasn't a drunk Liam, he was an asshole who drank"

I turned around looking at him.

"Kinda like you"

"Now you're callin' me your dad?!" He yelled following me into the kitchen. "Jesus fuckin' Christ, Lyla" he shook his head "I ain't like all the other men in your life, I ain't gonna get drunk an' beat the hell out of you before I rape y'or summat!"

I turned around chucking the glass in my hand at the wall, missing his head by mere inches.

"YOU DON'T LISTEN, DO YOU?!" I screamed "THEY DIDN'T NEED TO BE DRUNK, THEY JUST DID IT!"

He just stood looking at me and I scoffed rolling my eyes. "Whatever, it doesn't matter"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Liam grabbed my shoulder and I felt my whole body tense and braced myself for a hard slap.

It never came though.

"It does matter"

"Liam, please!" I shrugged him off as I felt tears in my eyes "Just leave me alone"

I went back upstairs leaving him standing in the kitchen.

I went into the nursery and closed the door quietly behind me and walked over to the crib.

I picked Addie up and sat in the rocking chair with her in my arms.

I looked down at her sleeping face and sighed; she looked so much like Liam. She had his blue eyes and his full lips; the only thing she got from me was my nose. She was Liam's daughter through and through, right down to the blonde hair he had as a kid.

I smiled as she opened her eyes with a yawn. "I'm gonna give you one hell of a life, baby girl" I whispered as she looked back at me. "You're not going to grow up hating your dad, not like I did, not for any reason."

**

It was a quiet night in the Gallagher house; Liam and I didn't speak the rest of the night, he went out and after checking on Adeline one last time, I went to bed.